20 Mar 2007

THE SECRET ...

... to being slim and cute ...

Ha - for a second, Jacquelyn was going to press the Comment button and continue her daily rage about The Secret - the world's lamest "new-age" trend. Alas, that is not what this post is about.

Today, we celebrated a birthday in our office in the only way North Americans know how to celebrate birth - lighting waxed items on fire and placing them on sugared, baked goods. In other words, a birthday cake, for all to enjoy.

So, anyway, I'm munching away ... lalala, bliss bliss, forgeting the hell that is my existence, eat, eat, eat ... when I notice that the office sprites, two young, exceptionally slender, cute girls that remind everyone of enchanting wood fairies except that they have a flair for marketing (and one of whom has a blog and appears now and again on MTV), have left half their cake behind. The good end, mind you, the awesome ass end. If for some reason you are filled with crazy and don't understand, this is end I speak of (many thanks, again, to Paint, the light of my design life, for making this graphic possible):
So ... looking content (or trying to look content, I can't tell), they stand up, ditch the beloved cake ass into the garbage and leave the room. BLASPHEMY. For me, eating the cakey part is practically torture. I trudge through it, saving the icing caboose as a reward ... you know, for all my hard cake-eating work.

And this rationale, ladies and gentlemen, is why I am the blessed "curvy" size that I am.

Sigh.

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17 Mar 2007

Hardwood

Our new, dark walnut hardwood floors have crazy scratches in them. In one area, near a chair that we never bothered to properly put protective leg-fuzz around, the scratches are fervent - possibly hundreds of lines, back and forthing themselves in a 1/2 foot of space.

I used to worry about them, thinking these little dumb lines that can only be seen if the light catches them ever-so, would effect our capacity to sell our condo one day. I used to even not be able to go to bed, trying to think about how I could diminish them. How easily I forgot how the place was when we bought it ... with stained carpets, disturbing bathroom and dirty kitchen, and how, even then, I thought it to be a deal.

I really can't let this little stuff (and it is oh so little) get to me. I've reached a point with things that I realize that I need to think bigger picture and not let the silly details dictate my mood. Overall, I am Happy ... Healthy ... No longer scrimping to make ends meet. The scratches are just reminders to think about the big picture, because the big picture is pretty nice.

Patrick and I have been looking to get art, and right now, a Monet seems most appropriate:

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7 Mar 2007

Rebuttal to the Commenters in My Previous Post

Whaa? "Looks good!"? You'd eat them?

Patrick, an out-and-out chocoholic, refuses to sample them because they look THAT MUCH like doggy doo.

Perhaps if I styled the photo shoot slightly differently with the help of Patrick you would agree:


Surely, you can't think these things look appetizing now!

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6 Mar 2007

Disasters in the Kitchen

Today I tried my hand at making favours. I wanted to create little mini wedding cakes out of low-fat brownies. I had such a vision for them. Little, cute, round, darling. Something that would make Martha proud.

The brownies - in their natural pan-form - turned out great. Moist, tasty, chewy ...

The mini wedding cakes, however ....

This is what I imagine happens when you feed a dog ground beef:

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My attempts to make different icing styles DID NOT help matters, and if anything, gave these little "treats" the appearance of different phases of wetness.

Welcome to our wedding everyone. Please enjoy.

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3 Mar 2007

Things You Can Put on a Wedding Registry

This week Patrick and I put together a small wedding registry. I imagine you can tell a lot about people by what they place on there, providing it isn't just a bunch of white towels.

There are a lot of interesting things available for registries. Here is a sampling of actually-available-for-registry products we found. What would you think if you were gift shopping and saw this wish list?:

From Linens n’ Things
Chicago Bulls Bedroom Coordinates. Items starting at $39.99








From The Bay
One Touch Painless Tweeze Home Electrolysis. $39.00











From Canadian Tire
Electronic Deer Calling Device and Doe Estrous Scent Dispenser. Buy them together for $79.98.












From Linens n’ Things
Movietime Retro Popcorn Cart. Was $399.99, on sale for $299.99









From Sears
Nova Tambourine. $19.99











From The Bay
Dora the Explorer: My Talking Backpack. $24.99












From Canadian Tire
30-ft. Wind Turbine Tower Kit. $699.99





















From Sears
Men's Priva Light Loss Bladder Control Briefs
. $19.99


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Need words? I'm a Toronto-based freelance writer who injects great ones into blogs, websites, magazines, ads and more. So many services, one lovely Jen (with one 'n').

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