6 Sep 2013

I'm Sorry, I Have A Cold

From Wikipedia: Monty Python
I recently participated in some lame growing-older lady activities, namely looking at antique shops and perusing places that specialize in tea blends.

I realize this puts me just a few steps away from wearing shawls and acquiring multiple cats. I've accepted that.

Anyway, at one shop the elderly woman manning the counter was big on small-talk. After the obligatory mentions of weather and gardening (ah, yes, gardening. It's official: shawls and cats are in my immediate future), our attentions were turned to a noise just outside the store.

There was cheering, chanting, and eventually, a glimpse of what was causing all the fuss (fuss! An old lady term! I should just start stocking up on Fancy Feast now.): some guys were trotting along the sidewalk; not quite goose-stepping, not quite Ukrainian dancing, but doing something confusingly in between. (If I was being literal, I guess that would make what they were doing ... Polish?) It was clearly some kind of stunt brought on by Frosh Week. I deduced this not from a Sherlock Holmesian brilliance, but from the fact they were all wearing T-shirts that had "FROSH 13" written across them. Indubitably.

"Wow," I said to the shopkeeper. "Reminds me of the Ministry of Silly Walks."

She blinked.

"From Monty Python. You know. That sketch," I smiled.

"Oh! Now, there's a name I haven't heard in a while. What else did they do, again?" she asked, keenly.

And then my brain betrayed me, as it always fucking does.

SIT ON MY FACE, AND TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME...

"Ughh," I stammered ....

I'LL SIT ON YOUR FACE, AND TELL YOU I LOVE YOU, TOO ....

"Well, they did the one about ..."

I LOVE TO HEAR YOU ORALIZE WHEN I'M BETWEEN YOUR THIGHS...

"... well, wow, they had so many sketches. And movies. It's hard to pick just one ..."

LIFE CAN BE FINE IF WE BOTH SIXTY-NINE ....

"They're a funny group from Britain, right?" she said. "I just love British humour! It's so clever. So witty!"

And - finally - a different sketch (something completely different, if you will) came to me.

"I fart in your general direction!" I screamed in her face.

"Oh, yes, right," she politely replied, having no idea what I was talking about.

I really shouldn't ever leave my home.

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Need words? I'm a Toronto-based freelance writer who injects great ones into blogs, websites, magazines, ads and more. So many services, one lovely Jen (with one 'n').

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