Aisle Spy With My Little Eye

Have you ever gone to the grocery store at an unusual time? Like 2am? Let me tell you, all the interesting customers come out in those witching hours.

Now, I realize that I should learn to keep my eyes on my own purchases ... but at 2am, that conveyor belt tells an interesting story about your fellow shoppers. And that story is that EVERYONE IS HIGH.

I kid you not, this is what the two people ahead of me in line were buying the other night:

Dude 1:
* Ice cream sandwiches
* Bulk Valentine-themed candies (on sale)
* Cadbury Cream Eggs
* Ketchup
* Velveeta
* Lucky Charms cereal
* Activia yogurt
* Tums

Dude 2:
* Cool-ranch Doritos
* Mountain Dew
* Four packages of salami
* Prepared seven-layer taco dip
* Ziplock bags
* Saran wrap
* Tin foil
* Eggs
* Vaseline

It should be said that even though *I* was there, I was not high. Just self-employed.