14 Jan 2013

I'm Basically The Worst Unemployed Person Ever

Image Source: FunCheapSF
... because instead of refining my résumé for the millionth time and glumly living off of Sapporo Ichiban, I'm going to Mexico this week.


It's my incredibly irresponsible way of rewarding myself for not having a job or a husband anymore. (And I must say, I've really excelled at both.)

I'm going with a girlfriend who also had a crappy 2012. We've vowed to make it one of those trips where the details of what goes on during it aren't allowed to be shared with anyone we know, and that probably includes "The Internet". (Sorry.) Just know that in reality, I will most likely spend at least two days of this vacation watching episodes of Friends dubbed into Spanish in the hotel room while I recover from a sunburn brought on by falling asleep by the pool. But let's all at least pretend that I'm going to have a wild and glorious time in the land of sun and tequila, ok?

After booking the last-minute deal, we started diving further into the reviews of the resort and there was one - a complaint - that gave both of us hope that it may indeed be a dandy of a trip after all:

... everything was great until a new group of guests came in, which unfortunately included a couple Argentinian football teams. These guys were interested in anything in a skirt ...  

To which my friend and I responded:

Oh, please, Baby Jesus, make it so.

And if going to Mexico isn't indulgent enough for someone with no income, yesterday I went and got eyelash extensions (so that I didn't have to bother with mascara on the trip), a manicure and a pedicure.

You see, I received a bit of Christmas money from my grandfather, and I'm pretty sure at the bottom of the cheque it said, "For whoring it up." - so I kind of had to spend it on this:

Local Business Plug: I am wearing zero make-up in the picture, and look at how dolled-up my eyes look! If you want to get eyelash extensions in Toronto, I highly recommend Balanced Beaute - she is so good, won't make you look cartoonish, and is probably one of the most affordable pros in the city. Yay!

My other bit of prep work from this trip actually saved me money: not buying food. Not buying food meant I couldn't eat anything, which resulted in me going down a glorious 11 pounds since Christmas. Thanks, starvation! High five, desperation! This weight will all come screaming back on as I stuff my face at the resort's buffet and swim-up bar, but whatever.

The final thing I did in anticipation of going to Mexico involved harnessing my very novice skills as a seamstress: I made my own bikini. I can already smell the humiliation that will surely happen while wearing this. Not simply because it's a bikini (GAH!) but because I chose the fabric based on how pretty it was and not based on the trivial matter of how well it deals with water. Heh. So, you have that account to look forward to, readers.

I'll probably do one more tiny post this week, but that will likely be it until I get back. And then hopefully I'll become a bit more regular with the updates and thoughts and first-world gripings after that.

Your notes from my previous post were all really appreciated. How did such nice people end up stumbling on this blog? Boy, I'm lucky.

Adios for now, muchachos!


Anonymous,  4:28 pm, January 14, 2013  

I just stopped being unemployed, after a 4 month no-income stretch. So, speaking as an expert in not-having-a-job, I say enjoy! You have earned a mexican vacay! Have fun, soak up the sun and the tequila, and forget about everything for a while.

Oh, and welcome back, It's great to see you posting again!

erika 5:40 pm, January 14, 2013  

I will totally write that on the cheques I give my grandchildren in 40 years from now. If cheques still exist. If I ever have grandchildren.

Anonymous,  8:10 pm, January 14, 2013  

Heh. I celebrated my divorce in Mexico, too. Have a blast!

AP 2:16 pm, January 15, 2013  

So glad to see you back on the blog :) Here is to a fantastic trip and 2013!!!

AsiaA 10:15 pm, January 15, 2013  

Hey Jen. I was going through all the blogs I bookmarked to delete one that weren't relevant to my sensibilities anymore. I initially bookmarked your blog because of your 50's Housewife Experiment. So I start reading up on what you've been up to, only to find out about your current situation.

1. I'm sorry *hug*
2. You'll find another gig, don't worry.
3. SCREW THAT, GO TO MEXICO! Enjoy yourself (but don't get herpes).

DivaQ,  10:39 pm, January 15, 2013  

Praying a football team or 5 show up. Some fantastically wonderful short term vacation romance happens and that you come back refreshed renewed and ready for an awesome 2013.

Anonymous,  8:35 am, January 16, 2013  

Yay! I'm so happy you're blogging again! I'm in a similar situation -- recently divorced after seven years with someone. It's strange, right? but then not so strange? Anyway, happy vacationing. Hope it's everything you want and a bit more. :)

Jenny 10:07 am, January 16, 2013  

Try some queso flameado if you get the chance! Excellent with sangria, margaritas or beer.

Jess @ It's Jess! 2:31 pm, January 16, 2013  

You will never ever regret taking this trip.

As excited as I am about the Argentinian footballers, I'm more excited to hear about your homemade bikini (I need to check my priorities). I'm picturing something Betty Jo, Bobbie Jo, and Billie Jo might have worn in the water tower on Petticoat Junction. Fingers crossed that I'm correct!

Anonymous,  4:19 pm, January 19, 2013  

Have a great trip! You deserve it. Love the manicure color, by the way.

FancyStephanie 2:16 pm, January 22, 2013  

Hope your trip is/was fun! Post pics of your bikini!! :)

Sew Ducky 10:54 pm, January 25, 2013  

Hey I threw a party after my last divorce. Having fun in spite of it all, and best part being able to forget, is really healing.

Have a blast while your gone.

wijnands 1:34 am, May 10, 2013  

That's some fine blogging. I'd expected it to have died out now in this youtube era. Makes me want to dust of my own blog and get writing again.

Brianne 12:47 pm, June 15, 2013  

Oh goodness. I ended up here after the eyelash convo on the board, and I gotta say, excellent use of the Dumn & Dumber gif. I love you.

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Need words? I'm a Toronto-based freelance writer who injects great ones into blogs, websites, magazines, ads and more. So many services, one lovely Jen (with one 'n').

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