31 May 2009

Just Another Sunday in the City

Encountered on Yonge Street:

Meth addict (to Patrick): Hey, man. Hey, can I talk to you for a second?


* Jen thinks to herself: UUUUUGGGGHHH. *

Meth addict: Thanks, man. Thanks, man. There are so many assholes in this city. Anyway. I'm having the worst time. I just got out of jail today. I haven't eaten in a week. My Grandmother just died. Do you know where Scarborough is? I have to get to Scarborough. This is the worst day. I'm so hungry and I need to get to my Grandmother's funeral and some guy stole my ...

Jen: I'm really sorry but we can't help you today. Good luck and I hope things improve for you.

Meth addict: FUCK YOU, BITCH! I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW RUDE PEOPLE ARE IN THIS CITY!!! *Inaudible swearing as he darts off*

Jen: Pretty sure I said that as politely as I could have.

Patrick: Emily Post back there would disagree.

Jen: Fuck you.

Patrick: See? Rude. You're what's decaying this fine city. You and your sentence-interrupting ways.


27 May 2009

Dresses, Drama and Denizens of the Web

Deena Pantalone scandal Oh, trubs is a brewin'. I swear, in the age of social media, snark, news and reputation burners spread like wildfire. Throw in fashion, girl-smack and local business owners, and you have a gossip wet dream.

In the wee hours of the morning, Toronto Life posted its Best Dressed pick of the week. This week's Fashionista laid claims that the dress was an old vintage find that, through her instruction, was tailored and updated. Enter the Comments Section. As you can see, a local designer and shop owner - along with fans of said shop owner, are letting it be known that this is an off-the-rack dress from their store, Champagne and Cupcakes.

Enter e-mail.
Enter Twitter.
Enter Facebook.


Naturally, I don't know the entire story, but the fact that this has swept along the interwebs as quickly and as as decidedly as it has, has me feeling all kinds of horror for those involved (and yah, am I helping that? Noooo). It's like spotting Information Highway Roadkill. Cringe-worthy!

Let it be a lesson (regardless of whether she did or not) that little lies have no safety on the web.

UPDATE!: So, yes - the dress truly is by Champagne & Cupcakes. According to a follow-up story by the Toronto Star, the Wannabe Fashionista in question was "overwhelmed by the media attention and perhaps felt she needed to elevate her story." Um, sure. Whatever the reasoning, it was a total d-bag move. Support local business, people!


19 May 2009

Feeling Sorry for Teens (A First)

Overheard at Chapters between a mom and her teenage daughter ...

Mom: Look at this little tea cup! How cute!

Daughter: Sure.

Mom: You don't think it's cute?

Daughter: Mmm, it's fine. It's not for me, but it's fine.

Mom: You know what? Let's just go. Let's go. I'm done.

Daughter: What? Mom, relax. Why are you so mad? I ju...

Mom: I can't do this anymore. I have to say it. You have a toxic soul and I won't let you continue to ruin my day. Let's GO. NOW.


11 May 2009

The Trucker Hat of Social Media

Buahaha - there's a sequel to the earlier Twitter gem from Current The only thing that would have made this better was if Oprah was riding the Fail Whale:


5 May 2009

Where Acid Reflux and Firemen Fantasies Converge

Oh man.

If you're going after an anglo audience, it really is best to leave copywriting to someone whose first language is English. Even better, hire someone who knows the fine nuances of Jr. High humour - a brand of comedy that never really stops being funny, regardless of how mature and proper people think they've become. Otherwise, you might just end up with something like this Gaviscon ad from South Africa:

(via Agency Spy and kcredfm)

What a feeling, indeed.


4 May 2009

May The Fourth Be With You

The vibration of trembling geeks everywhere is reaching a fevered pitch this week as today, May 4th, is Star Wars Day and Friday marks the release of the latest Star Trek movie. It's sort of like the perfect storm of all the December religious holidays. Nothing gets us going like celebrating great mythical stories.

For anyone who has blasphemed and never really got into Star Wars, here are some solid refreshers:

Star Wars, according to someone who has never seen it:

Star Wars, according to a 3-year old (who could easily be one of those Welsh's Grape Juice kids should her parents were ever to cash in):

Star Wars, a cappella version:

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Need words? I'm a Toronto-based freelance writer who injects great ones into blogs, websites, magazines, ads and more. So many services, one lovely Jen (with one 'n').

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