Here's a fun picture I found in the 1948 career book, How To Be A Successful Advertising Woman by Mary Margaret McBride:
"One agency technique of developing advertising-copy themes and merchandising and promotion programs is through idea-sessions, sometimes called "brain storms." The rule in brain-storming is absolutely no criticism. Anything goes. Nobody says "But that wouldn't work," or "How silly!" Try it yourself. Get a gang of your friends together - concentrate on a single problem. Watch how one good idea sparks another, how that sets off a third - and before you call it a day you may have some original and highly effective thinking on paper."
Anyone else out there believe that the people who are adamant that "there are no bad ideas in a brainstorm" are the kind of people who exclusively come up with horrible suggestions? (Based on their expressions in the photo, I think the plump brunette and the annoyed blonde on the right agree with me. That is the look of people who have just heard a stupid idea. Trust me, I am sadly VERY FAMILIAR with those glares.) Under normal conditions, the contributions of the unimaginative would be Darwin'ed out of contention, and so they use this weird brainstorm rule to swaddle their ideas in bubblewrap and trot them on stage as if we were all at a body-positive open-mic poetry slam and not at a business meeting.
Jen's Jerk-off Opinion of the Day: Crappy ideas shouldn't have a safe place.
I'm not saying we should attack ideas mercilessly (in business, be kind! Always!), I'm just saying we shouldn't pretend they're just as valid as a really creative / thoughtful / strategic suggestion. If there's an obvious problem with an idea, shouldn't that be pointed out before the team dedicates any more time to it?
What do you think?
Also ... don't you love it that in the picture above, "brain-storming" was still new enough to have quotation marks around it? Remember when they were so foreign to us that we had to use quoties around "web site" and "viral video" and "Spanx"? Aww ... those sweet, slimmer days of yesteryear.Read more...
This has the potential to be both awesome and depressing at the same time:
Eeee?!
And yes, that's a trailer for a commercial. A commercial. We don't know what product it's for yet, but if Ferris ends up shilling for an insurance company, I might kill myself.
Regardless, this buzz for an ad confirms that the cultural tastes of future generations will be exactly as they were portrayed in Demolition Man:
(I'm actually not judging; I would totally be charmed by a jingles-only radio station.)
But let's hope for the best that this mini Ferris Bueller reprise is fun and doesn't send us all into a grief spiral over our lost youth and lame dulled adult lives.
Are you someone who occasionally watches television that hasn't been Tivo'd and want to find an alternative to mindless eating when the commercials are on?
My new favourite game is to mentally replace the word "hair" with the word "penis" whenever a shampoo or dye ad is on the TV. I find it especially entertaining when the commercials talk about all of us girls being "tired of weak, limp hair" in which we need a shampoo that "coats the hair shaft from root to tip."
Just look at how much fun these new and old commercials become when you use the power of your dirty, childish brain:
Remember that gross pointy nail trend that had women everywhere silently wondering how Fergie was able to masturbate safely? It turns out The Dutchess didn't invent the tapered talon look - your Grandma did.
I was flipping through some 1943 Ladies' Home Journals when I came across this ad from Cutex:
Yep, should the vivacious Mrs. Stringer take a break from washing dishes, I suspect those claws could totally do some damage to her lady bits.
I found an even more extreme example of the tapered nail on another page. Admittedly, this is an artist's rendering of nails - exotic "Oriental" nails at that - so I have serious doubts that anyone outside of The King and I theatre productions were sporting these in the 1940s. But what's even more surprising? Look at the colours available! Green Dragon? Blue Lagoon? Ming Yellow? Black Luster? Who knew Chen Yu had essie beat by a good 40 years?
Edit: I have no idea why the ad is appearing sideways?! Blogger is being a weirdo. Here's a right-side-up close-up of the nails and colours I mentioned:
Here's something you probably already know: When advertisers have nothing clever to say about their product, there's a tendency to make up a problem that doesn't really exist and then claim their product corners the market in solving this fake issue.
Like what?
Oh, like having the CONSTANT PROBLEM of toilet paper pieces sticking to your anus. Uh-oh, that's not going to "pass inspection" (by whom, I'd rather not ponder too long on).
What do you mean that doesn't happen to you?
Oh, that's right, because that happens to NO ONE.
The thing is, I bet people now think this really is an issue because we're all somehow too embarrassed to admit out loud that this commercial is based on pure fiction and that our rectums aren't, in fact, made of Velcro (my bum, however, DOES get all Twilight-y when I clean it. Doesn't yours?).
And what's with the rubbing of the toiler paper against the face? Have any of you been so impressed with your toilet paper's softness that you took a bit with you for a post-wipe cuddle?
Have advertisers always been this silly?
Scott Soft-Weve ad from 1958
Yes, yes they have.
This ad isn't just goofy because no one ever stopped in awe over the luxuriousness of "facial quality" toilet paper, but because of what she's wearing in the ad. If you read the copy, you find out that that isn't an evening gown - she's in what advertisers suggest are essentially pyjamas:
Is it pathetic that, despite finding it all rather ridiculous, I sort of love how overly glamorous that ad is? In any case, it sure beats a sales pitch anchored around the idea of toilet paper "bum crumbs".
Edited to Say: Ok, a few of you have emailed and a few of you have commented to say that Charmin actually does address a real issue with its "toilet paper bits left behind" shtick. WHA? I don't ... understand. Is there a way you guys can explain this to me without me throwing up? How does hair (and how much hair could people possibly have around there?!?) cause bits to shred off and cling?
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Companies can make clever ads, they can get "engaged" in social media, and they show how much they CARE ABOUT THE CHILDREN [insert Sally Struthers emoticon], but none of that builds real trust. "Trust" isn't a silly marketing buzzword - it's a business's greatest bond with its customer, and it's developed, strengthened and broken during real interactions. And it's trust that caused FedEx Canada to lose precious little me as a customer.
But let me back up, because this story actually starts with something pure and good. It started with this:
I love that damn show, as does my dear husband. This husband that I love almost as much as Community had a birthday in July and because I am a clever, thoughtful and pop culture-obsessed wife, I ordered two of these mugs from the NBC store as a birthday gift:
$12 a pop for mugs is a bit much, but whatev. Birthday, right? Troy and Abed, right?
The package was received by our concierge and the mugs were in perfect and wonderful working order. Total state-of-the-art liquid containment. Husband was happy, the birthday was splendid, and I retained my position as Patrick's Favourite Wife.
On August 12th, I received an invoice from FedEx, looking for their "Advancement Fee" - which is supposedly the charge that's meant to cover duty and "managing customs" on account of this being a cross-border shopping experience. YOU'RE WELCOME, AMERICA:
I think it's rather strange that I'd get charged HST (a tax on goods and services provided in Ontario) on a product from the US, that it's all kinds of fun that FedEx's total charge for something worth $24 was $14.29 (60% of the product cost. Splendid!), and that you have no idea what the charge will be until long after you make your transaction - but that's not even what this blog post is about.
This blog post is about the fact that I paid it. That day. I called the little 1-800 number and paid that ridiculous charge without complaint. Aren't I a good little drone? YOU'RE WELCOME, CAPITALISM.
A screen shot from my bank account. It's really small.
But you can click it!
I'm pretty anal about paying bills on time and keeping records, so when they give you that reference number that most of us either a) pretend to write down but really don't or b) write down on a scrap of paper which we later wrap our gum in, I actually write them down. On the bill. And date it. And then file it. In file folders. Actual file folders! It's like every day is 1993 in my home.
I should get a pre-inked stamp, right? I love stamps.
I especially love having a legitimate excuse to get a stamp.
This is where the story should end, with FedEx Canada humping its pile of money and Patrick and I pouring vodka coffee into our Troy and Abed in the Morning mugs over breakfast.
But it doesn't end there.
On October 6th, my mailbox greets me with this letter from FedEx:
So I was kind of stunned. What was this about? The letter gives no information about the services rendered, only an invoice number. I order things now and again from across the border, so I'm not sure exactly what it's for. And so, to the '90s I went, and I dug up the info from my file folder.
I was quickly able to match up the invoice amounts, see that I had called to pay, saw the reference number, went online and confirmed that amount was indeed charged. Some people would see this and feel mad. But you know how I felt? Relieved. As I was digging up my info, the entire time I genuinely felt awful that I might have skipped out on paying something that I owed. Because, like I said, I'm not just a drone, I'm a good drone.
So I call FedEx Canada.
Nicely!
There's zero need to get all uppity and crazy with the poor schmuck who happens to answer the phone - it's not his fault. And mistakes happen, right? I was just glad that I had the information I needed to correct the situation.
Oh, speaking of which - you know those reference numbers I mentioned earlier - the ones a company gives you that most of us don't bother saving or writing down? FedEx does the exact same thing with them. They're just like us! The number I quoted meant nothing to guy I was on the phone with. Neato.
But since FedEx clearly charged my credit card in the amount of gee-what-a-coincidence-that's-how-much-is-on-the-invoice, they've got to have a record of that somewhere, right? So I give the guy the last few digits of my VISA and he says he'll take a look at the transactions, have it straightened out and agrees with me that there must have been a miscommunication between departments.
"Thanks for calling and thank you for choosing FedEx."
Technically, NBC chose FedEx, but whatever ....
So, then I make my trusty note on the letter and file (!) it.
Today I'm up to whatever shitty thing I do between meals when:
SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.
The letter is dated five bloody days AFTER I called FedEx.
ARE THEY KIDDING ME!?!?!
I felt a Troy Barnes-style Nosebleed of Rage coming on (no quicky linky on that reference, you'll just have to go watch Communityto get it. YOU'RE WELCOME, YOUR BRAIN CELLS).
The letter threatens to transfer the balance to a collection agency where "all related costs will be your responsibility and your credit rating may be affected."
Here's a zany fact, kids: credit ratings are somewhat important to adults. It impacts our ability to do things like get mortgages and rent apartments, get a business loan or establish a line of credit. They're not the sort of thing you should be screwing with.
But FedEx will! Over $14.29. That you already paid in August. And already called them about. Oh, tra la la.
I again took out my file folder, which is now marked "SERIOUSLY?!", and called FedEx for a third time.
I'm told it's now "resolved".
But do I trust that FedEx has made things right? Do I trust their data management? Their customer service? Their ability to send a message from one department to another? Am I confident that they won't "accidentally" keep escalating this to a level of harassment that is completely unwarranted, unnecessary, and potentially financially damaging?
Nope. I don't trust them at all.
And I don't do business with companies that I can't trust.
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I've recently discovered a fun podcast called The History Chicks. The two hosts, Beckett and Susan, research and then gab about interesting women in history (plus the occasional fictional female). Last week, they covered "The 50s Housewife" and did me the honour of mentioning that they liked my blog and the 50s Housewife Experiment in particular - so, thank you, HCs!
Still on a 1950s kick, they recently did a mini podcast on Betty Crocker (and if you comment on their website, you get entered for a chance to win a swell apron! Do it!), whom you hopefully know is the Tony the Tiger of baking - a corporate character rather than a real person. These trusted friend / big sister corporate icons were very popular in the 1940s through 1960s, and women actually wrote to them for advice (I would love the see the craziest letters Betty Crocker ever received. I wonder if the Freedom of Information Act covers that?). Just a flip through one of my 1956 Woman's Day magazines captured a few of these Sales Friends. Funny how incredibly similar they all are to each other:
Mary Blake of Carnation:
Mary Hale Martin of Libby's:
And rounding out the Mary Trifecta ....
That last one, Mary Lawton Wright, may have been real, although it's hard to accept that there really was a "National Red Cherry Institute" and that it was so busy that it actually had to employ people. Maybe that's the solution to the unemployment problem - just create random, weirdo institutes that give away free booklets. That's the ticket!
One Floating Lady Head, Mrs. Dan Gerber, even addressed that she was a real person. Her evidence? The amount of breeding her family members have been up to (which ... I guess means that my existence is up for dispute):
Since I have no children or grandchildren to prove that I have a corporeal form, I might as well get on the corporate character train too! The name I'd go by is easy to figure out, but what products would my likeness have represented at the time?
My best guesses:
I know it will be hard for you to believe, but those were all created with my go-to design program, MS Paint. Seamless, no?
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I sometimes get asked if I actually believe there were women who behaved like stereotypical '50s housewives or if it was a manufactured image. I think the answer is yes to both; there were women who aspired to (and were also pressured into) that particular way of life (and those who loved it, hated it, and existed somewhere in between) and there was indeed a marketing and media machine that perpetuated it. But there were also women who purposefully led completely different lives from what was so prominently idealized, and those whose days featured bits and pieces of what was in the media at that time, and women who carried on, seemingly oblivious to social pressures, as housewives / career women / artists / mothers / labourers / philanthropists / community leaders as they felt that was what they needed to do for themselves and their families. We all know this, right? No? Maybe?
As it happens, I'm in the process of interviewing women who were wives in the 1950s who are willing to share their own life stories (and if you or a member of your family is such a woman, feel free to email me for deets!). Because while it's fun to flip through magazines from that era, to take the 1950s advice to heart for a few weeks, and to theorize about what life was like for women then and what they must have been thinking at the time, isn't it just so much better to talk to them about it? No two women are alike, but it's so far been fun to see what they had in common and how those things differ from the "modern women" I normally interact with.
But here's something that is a universal truth and it's compliments of today's random retro find! I found this ad for a toilet sanitizer called "VANISH" in the September 1958 issue of Ladies' Home Journal:
Let's set the record straight: Nobody in the history of the world has ever twirled and danced from the joy of cleaning a toilet (or because of a tampon, for that matter). Nobody. Never. Ever. Just mark that one down as The Craziest Nonsense You've Seen Today.
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With a Canadian election on, I should probably be talking about that - but there is something much more important to discuss: a gum commercial.
Excel has these rather cute spots that show animated food items following people around - suggesting that the things you eat linger in your breath until you kill them by brushing your teeth chewing Excel gum. Here are two commercials from the series. The first one aired years ago (random trivia: the subway station it was filmed in, Dupont, was right next to our first home) and the second ad just started airing last month:
Adorable, no?
So, I get the coffee breath, the onion breath, the garlic breath - but doughnut breath?
I'm not saying it couldn't happen. My point is this: why would you ever want to get rid of it? Doughnuts smell amazing - even when in someone else's mouth.
This may be revealing too much, but if someone was speaking to me and had doughnut breath, it would probably act as a pheromone. I would totally creep in closer, lean into them, and the rest of the world would fall away. The person could be saying the most vile, racist, horrible things, and I'd be enamored, encouraging him to go on. ("You know, I just love it when you say 'homosexuals'. Can you say it again? Hhhhhhomosexuals. And where was it you said they were going? Hhhhhell?")
Other people think these things too, right?
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It should come as no surprise that I'm a fan of Mad Men. It combines so many things that I love: vintage fashion and decor, an exploration of a different time in history, advertising, and scenes with aggressive barfing great writing. I must admit that I'm especially wowed by the styling of the show and even wrote an article about it a few years ago. Naturally, when my friend Siobhan won tickets to an event hosted by the LCBO called Classic Cocktails, an evening that would include special guest, Janie Bryant (the costume designer for Mad Men), I was beyond delighted to attend.
The invitation encouraged guests to arrive in '60s cocktail wear, so I used the event as an excuse to get my hair did (I was also long overdue for a trim. Hello, Split End City). My hair stylist, Lesley, was all too happy to do a retro-inspired 'do, especially since I brought some inspiration - How To Set and Care For Your Hair by Elaine Budd. This booklet is part of a series from The Amy Vanderbilt Success Program for Women from the 1960s. I have a ton of the Amy Vanderbilt booklet series and I'm sure you'll see more of them in the future. They are way too good to not be shared.
Check out some of the 60s hairstyles (with instruction!):
As it turns out, I really don't have much in the way of 1960s-era clothes. The closest thing I own is a late 1950s dress. In the end, my look was more 50s than 60s, but I decided to convince myself that I was an early 1960s girl figuring that some people were still wearing their clothes from a few years back. I mean, when it was New Years Eve 1990, you didn't suddenly toss out your frayed jean jacket and instantly adopt Hammer Pants, right? (And I actually hope you managed to avoid that look altogether, truth be told.)
So here I am, looking positively late 1950s early 1960s. Oh, if only every day was a dress-up day!
The most impressive thing about my hair style is the back of it - check out this shelf of hair! You could rest a book on it (provided the book was small, like, say, Why I'm Fit to be President by Sarah Palin):
Anyway, off we went to the event at the Carlu. I'm sort of surprised that the LCBO thinks they need to do a whole lot of marketing and put on PR events at all. For one, they have no competitor (bah! I loathe that this province hasn't privatized alcohol!) and two, people will always buy booze. It is the number one recession-proof industry, hands down. But, hey, free drinks for me, so I'll STFU now.
First impressions:
Drink tickets? And just two drink tickets each? Two? Who do they think I am, a toddler? Kind of a cheapo move, considering it's obvious the event was basically paid for by the promoted liquor brands ... /whine
Adored the selection of drinks, though. I'll happily lap up hard liquor from the carpet so the featured cocktails (including the Moscow Mule, the Negroni, the Tequila Sunrise, the Manhattan, and the Rusty Nail) were fun to dive into and / or look at. I personally went for a Vodka Martini with extra olives and a Negroni. Siobhan opted for a Lime Daiquiri and a Tequila Sunrise. If you love old-timey cocktails check out the free magazine in LCBO stores or Blair Frodelius's website Good Spirits News.
Appetizers were darling - a mix of modern and vintage eats were available. Definitely helped myself to my fair share of Monte Cristo bites, deviled eggs and shrimp puffs.
A group of outfits from the 1960s were featured in the room. There wasn't any signage about the clothes, so I have no idea if any of these were from the Mad Men closet or if they were just a sampling of fashion from the era. I'm guessing the latter.
The crowd consisted largely of girls in their twenties who spent the majority of time giving other girls the look-over and audibly snarking and / or pumping themselves up. I overheard one young pseudo-socialite tell her friend that people are often interested in meeting her because she "has been such an important part in bringing culture to the city." Riiiiight. She shall remain nameless, in large part because I can't remember her name (Newsflash: Toronto socialites are not the hot shit they think they are. Why? It's because they live in freakin' Toronto).
I had hoped that with the right opportunity and a little nerve (I loathe approaching people I don't know), I could get Janie Bryant to sign my copy of the 1969 booklet, How To Be Well Dressed, also from my amazingly fun Amy Vanderbilt Success Program For Women.
Sadly and surprisingly, Janie Bryant didn't give a little speech or mingle with the common folk (If anyone was there and she did actually speak to the crowd, please correct me. I arrived at the event at 7 PM and left at 8:35-ish - right around the time they stopped serving appetizers. It's a TOTAL COINCIDENCE THAT I LEFT THEN, OF COURSE. Heh.). She was instead booked with back-to-back interviews with "media" types who I suspect from their giddiness were mainly bloggers.
Edited to Add: Apparently she *did* do a Q&A right away at the event and we missed it. My bad - but from an event-planning standpoint, that's strange timing.
So, that was kind of disappointing to not get to really hear from her. I took a picture of her though - but from the back. I will say this: The lady has a cute bum:
My rear view of Janie Bryant of Mad Men
With Janie not expected to speak to the crowd, our drink tickets cashed in, and appetizers cruelly disappearing, we decided to get our coats. We made our leave to the Beer Bistro (where I didn't at all look like a lunatic in my dress and hair) where we could have all the drinks we wanted, we just had to pay for them. All in all, a decent night!
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I went out last night with Jacquelyn for a spot of gossip and we had a couple of drinks at a neighbourhood bar (literally just two drinks - it was a far cry from inspiring Arthur 3: To Cirrhosis, With Love) . While walking home from the rendezvous, two trashed twenty-somethings are ahead of me, having just come out of one of Canada's great institutions, Tim Hortons. One girl starts to sing into her doughnut (something I may or may not have done myself ... but while sober):
Girl in Little Dress:*singing badly to the tune of "Cruel Summer" by Bananarama* It's a cruller, cruller autumn ... oh oh oh ... shoving it into my mouth ... cruller, cruller autumn ... soon you'll be gone ... and I'll have to buy another one ...
Girl in Very High Heels: OMG ... You know what? They should use that! They should use that! We should tell them! I'm serious - that would be the most best commercial ever!
Girl in Little Dress:Really?
Girl in Very High Heels: *Grabs the songbird by the arm and turns her around* Let's go back and tell them!
I don't know how this ended as I kept on walking, but I imagine that the marketing decision-makers for Tim Hortons - that being the midnight counter staff - were thoroughly impressed and didn't at all hate their lives at that moment.
I can't tell you how much fun it was to research for the 50s Housewife Experiment. One of the goodies of said research that I came across was an article in a soft-cover manual from the editors of The Bride's Magazine called the The Bride's Reference Book. Within it, there was a very straight-forward article about brand names and the whole purpose behind buying a brand to begin with.
I've never read a consumer-facing (a.k.a.: written for you and me) piece that spelled out why brands are brands and why brand loyalty is important. And is it just me, or has branding (or maybe our reasons for buying into it) lost its path in the whole brand-is-an-extension-of-your-personality rather than a brand-is-a-promise-to-the-consumer kind of way?
This makes two lazy blog posts in a row where instead of writing something original here, I just point you to a place where I already sprayed my word barf:
It's a collection of entertaining but so-not-acceptable-today commercials developed in the '60s, in honour of the upcoming season of my much adored Mad Men. Here's an example of one of them:
Ah, Folgers. They sell self-worth by the hot steamy cup. Ain't marketing grand?
If you're going after an anglo audience, it really is best to leave copywriting to someone whose first language is English. Even better, hire someone who knows the fine nuances of Jr. High humour - a brand of comedy that never really stops being funny, regardless of how mature and proper people think they've become. Otherwise, you might just end up with something like this Gaviscon ad from South Africa:
Crackers have long held a treasured role in The Sick Day. If your tummy was feeling a little shaky, saltines (and a wee glass of ginger ale) would be on the menu. They are in the pantries of every binge drinker, mother of small children and hypochondriac (those people aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive. If and when I become a mother, you can bet the binge drinking will continue if not increase … substantially).
In this tough economic time, it seems Premium Plus doesn’t want to patiently stand by and wait for you to get sick and need their product. Instead, they’d now like to play an active role in acquiring queasy customers. Take a look:
All I see are bowls and bowls of colourful projectile vomit. Most convincing is that last chunky-looking orange one on the diner counter - it even gets a super slow-mo treatment just so you can drink that image right in. When this commercial comes on, I literally start dry-heaving even before the first cracker makes contact. The suggestion near the end that someone has then EATEN the puke soup (the spoon twirling around the empty bowl) has me panicking for an empty garbage can.
I do have to give this ad a bit of credit: You know the scene where four sprays of barf can be seen gushing from cubicles? I think it quite accurately captures how the majority of people feel when they get into the office.
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Every so often this blog veers off from the usual yapping about my misadventures with public transit and humiliation involving my nether regions to randomly go on about marketing and ads. This is one of those posts.
My interest in marketing, advertising and branding seemed to start with Angela Bower, Ad Exec extraordinaire on Who's the Boss. Even though I didn't really like Angela (woman had teh crazy in a big way), I loved the episodes where she'd bring her work home, like the one where she had to come up with a marketing angle for avocado chips, a product that looked like crisp mold spores.
There's just something so neat about taking any brand or a product and making it meaningful and desirable for the masses. As you can imagine, I can't get enough of Mad Men.
Finding marketing marvels is awesome, but so is witnessing marketing misfires that even the non-ad obsessed will ask "WHO the hell approved THAT?"
Sometimes they're new ideas and sometimes they're old, dated ones that companies cling to because they're too cheap to invest in re-branding. I like to keep mental notes of these for fun. Because - I - am a bit of a loser.
Today's Bad New Idea got on my radar through The Daily Grind when they highlighted horror franchise Saw's recent attempt to get people to their next installment (and yes, I realize that by blogging about it, I'm falling right into the 'buzz-creation' they were hoping for. But no linky for them!). Seems the geniuses behind Saw's marketing are from the easier-to-ask-forgiveness-than-permission camp when they telephone-spammed hundreds of individuals and creepily insinuated they had kidnapped a friend / family-member (a re-occuring plot point from the movies) ... and then gave them a link to the film's promotional website. Needless to say, people were freaked and confused, cops were called and the promotion has been cut short. If ever there was a reason to get on Canada's do-not-call list, this has got to be it.
Today's Bad Old Idea is one I've laughed about for a couple years but am pleased to know that they're going to do something about it (I hope). Sherwin-Williams has just retained a new marketing agency that will hopefully modernize the brand.
Because nothing appeals to today's ultra-green, eco-savvy consumerism like a logo like this:
Song Title: A Cause De Garcon (Tecktonik Remix) Artist: Yelle The Dealio: When we went to France this spring, our uber-fantastic host, Gauthier, had mentioned that is girlfriend was named Yelle and "wasn't the famous one, of course!" to which I blankly stared back at him with a look a cat might have when one is speaking to a cat about anything. You see, in Europe, Yelle is crazy famous and her songs Je Veux Te Voir, A Cause De Garcons, Parle à ma main with Fatal Bazooka, Les Femmes were huge, huge hits. With good reason - they're extremely catchy, fun, and danceable. The Tecktonik remix and video of A Cause De Garcons is an energetic blow up of the original, and it really doesn't matter if you don't understand the lyrics or 'get' the look of the dancers - this song is tres hot. I'd Pimp Them To: Alesse (hip birth control makers). The song's quite fitting as you'd be taking these "Because of the Boys" (but if your parents discover your sexy-time pills, you'd say it's 'A Cause De Acne'). Either way, this energetic tune would send Alesse sales soaring.
Song #2:
Song Title: Knickerbocker Artist: Fujiya & Miyagi The Dealio: Like Yelle, this is another group from across the pond (Brighton, England), but unlike Yelle, they haven't had the huge explosion. Yet. The beginning of this song reminds me of Stereolab, which is, of course, a good thing. It's one of the few songs that had me hooked straight away - I'm the type that usually needs a few listen throughs before I can determine if I like a song. It grows slowly but steadily and by time the three minutes are up, you're a fan. Screw cowbell, more organ! I'd Pimp Them To: Gap. It's been a while since I've seen a Gap commercial, and something fun and insta-hooky is just what Dr Jen ordered. They could totally play on the "Vanilla" (GAP classics) and "Strawberry" (GAP trend-wear) of the lyrics.
Song #3:
Song Title: I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked Artist: Ida Maria The Dealio: Clearly, I have something for Europeans. Ida Maria is a Norwegian singer that charmed the pants off the Brits this summer with "I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked", a song that peaked at 13 on the UK charts. It's fun, rambunctious, raw pop by a young and unabashed leading lady, who, according to several interviewers, likes to get her drink on. Stamp of approval, says I. I'd Pimp Her To: The Next Season of Rock of Love. Because I'm pretty sure the song title describes exactly what dear Brett thinks about many of the contestants.
Song #4:
Song Title: Human Hair Artist: Lovvers The Dealio: Brit Band #2 on the list. Don't they remind you of the early Matador low-fi days? Jon Spencer Blues Explosion (with less rockabilly more surf) comes to mind. The band's label, Wichita, is a favourite of mine as they play host to the musical goodies of Peter, Bjorn & John and Block Party to name a few. The video clinches this song - creepy meets playful meets my entertainment requirements. I'd Pimp Them To: This song is the perfect soundtrack for late-90s fans of snowboarding, skateboarding and surfing - who are pretty much a gem audience of the next Balance Board games about to be released for Nintendo Wii (like Skate it and Shaun White Snowboarding).
Song Title: Veras Artist: Los Alhama The Dealio: I first heard Veras back in 1997 when I bought a "Folk Music of the World" CD at my campus bookstore. It was my big attempt to branch out and be 'wordly' without having to leave Alberta. It failed, but it put this song into my little brain where's it's stayed - dancing around on all those math tricks and history lessons that I can't recall anymore. I'd Pimp Them To: The next Quentin Tarantino film (although upon looking up what the next Tarantino film (Inglorious Bastards) is going to be about, I could be very, very wrong. Not sure how he'd fit in a peppy gypsy tune in a movie about Jewish soldiers that scalp Nazis in occupied France ... but on the other hand, it could actually be perfect)!
Song #6:
* * Note: Not the official video. Just sayin'
Song Title: Dancer Artist:Woodhands The Dealio: Look! North American band! And better yet, they're Canadian! I'd also disclose - the band's drummer, Paul Banwatt, is a friend through friends who also DJ'd my wedding (fabulously) - but that doesn't make this song any less fantasmatic. I don't even have to be drunk to dance to this one, and that says a lot. It's steamy. It's loud. It's sex-synth. (and their "I Wasn't Made For Fighting" is also worth a listen). Who I'd Pimp Them To: Virgin Mobile. Because waiting around for someone to ask them to dance is probably something all the indie hipster kids do ... via text messaging.
Song #7:
Song Title: Knots Artist: Pete & The Pirates The Dealio: I have Barry Lachapelle to thank for my Pete & The Pirates obsession. He's one of Patrick's best friends who moved to London to work at an ad agency (dream scenerio, anyone?). Barry likes music. We like music. E-mails between Patrick and Barry are less about feelings and more about bands they like. I benefit from this on several levels. Pete & The Pirates are a band that should be rolling in dough but ... aren't. I don't get it. They're wildly likable, have songs that jump to the point and each band member has indie cute qualifications. WHAT'S THE DEAL, PEOPLE? I heard one of their earlier songs, Come on Feet, over a year ago and I could still listen to the thing 5x a day and not get bored. I'd Pimp Them To: The big guns: iPod. Come on Feet more than Knots actually, but both would do super well. Break out the silhouettes, Apple - they want Pete & the Pirates to dance to!
Song #8:
Song Title: Sexy Grrl Artist: Belladonnakillz The Dealio: I didn't know this was a local band until I wrote this piece for Hitched. All I knew was that they blasted Lee's Palace with a really fun performance recently (was I there? Hells no. I was doing my usual evening thing: yogo pants and IFC. But I still heard about it, so I'm still cool. Right? No? Ok.). Sexy Grrl is a gritty electro-coustic anthem to a dreamy, faceless vision. It was me, boys, it was me. I'd Pimp Them To: Runway show for Miu Miu. Nothing like a down-and-dirty track to make people forget that paying $800 for a sleeveless blouse is ridic.
Song #9:
Song Title: Bassment Party Artist: The Cool Kids The Dealio: And with number nine, an American band has finally made my list. I may be all about American brands, but it’s the music from other countries that are really the power houses. But such is not the case with The Cool Kids – a Chicago-Detroit duo that made things happen for themselves on MySpace. Bassment Party is a hip hop ode to getting drunk with pals, girls and frenemies. I'd Pimp Them To: The Hills as the camera points to the exterior of an LA Club that none of use could ever get into.
***Edit*** This just in: The Cool Kids' Bassment Party was just featured on Sunday night's episode of Entourage. There you go ...
Song #10:
Song Title: Home Sweet Home Artist: Those Dancing Days The Dealio: This Swedish band is the second act from Wichita records to feature on this list. What can I say - they're sweet, they have girl drummer, and they play easy-pop melodies that go down well with an iced Coca-cola, McFries and a sunny day. What's not to like? I'd Pimp Them To: The highest bidder. This song could easily be seen in the new 90210, commercials for Volkswagen, IKEA, West Jet (if it wanted to mix things up), or any scene where Lauren is driving and/or crying. It's made for mainstream pimping.
Have songs you think would sell crap to people? Comment them!
My name is Jen and I look like that picture at all times. I enjoy appetizers as entrees, fountains choreographed to music and television shows intended for teenage girls. Oh - and I really dislike it when people spell it "Jenn"; it's practically a phobia.
Chuck Lorre Club "music" CUPCAKES Extremism Factory farming Fruit-flavoured teas Humid days Hypocrisy (EXCEPT MINE) Laugh tracks Mice Mob mentalities Mondays My typos PC policing Prop 8 Self-defecation Sexy Halloween costumes Snakes Social media obsession Sports highlights The Easily Offended The Easily Outraged The Humourless The Super Cynical
Need words? I'm a Toronto-based freelance writer who injects great ones into blogs, websites, magazines, ads and more. So many services, one lovely Jen (with one 'n').
Anyone else out there believe that the people who are adamant that "there are no bad ideas in a brainstorm" are the kind of people who exclusively come up with horrible suggestions? (Based on their expressions in the photo, I think the plump brunette and the annoyed blonde on the right agree with me. That is the look of people who have just heard a stupid idea. Trust me, I am sadly VERY FAMILIAR with those glares.) Under normal conditions, the contributions of the unimaginative would be Darwin'ed out of contention, and so they use this weird brainstorm rule to swaddle their ideas in bubblewrap and trot them on stage as if we were all at a body-positive open-mic poetry slam and not at a business meeting.
(the book)
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