28 May 2013

An Update For Those Who Still Accidentally Come To This Site


So, yesterday, my dog ran away. WHY DO ALL THE BOYS LEAVE ME? The back gate was somehow left open, I hadn't noticed, and Huck bounded out to freedom while I was inside - eating, n'est pas. When I glanced out the window and saw the gate, I just about died and did one of those silent screams you only have in nightmares and dreams about making out with your gross old boss. 

I ran outside without any shoes on and ... thankfully, Huck was only at the end of the street. He was running his happy little heart out toward me while an old man - clearly spooked by a goofy dog on the loose and convinced Huck was coming for him - beelined to the other sidewalk, swearing in Greek, and nearly tripped in the process. If I hadn't been so overwhelmed with losing and then finding my dog within the span of 30 seconds, I probably would have laughed at it all - because there is nothing quite as funny as old people tripping Huck in a moment of joy.  

If I had lost Huck, at least there would be a solid Plan B to turn to: There is enough shed hair in this place to build another dog. It's so gross ... and, yet, still so much better than cleaning the bathroom during my married days. I won't expand on that further. No, wait, I will: 

In any case, I've added another DIY level of security to the back gate, making it a little harder for this to happen again. I think.

Anyway, since you last saw him (unless you follow my All Huck All The Time Instagram Feed!), Huck has managed to gain an amazing 24 pounds in two months - which is astounding because his diet only consists of kibble. And my sandals. And any and every shred of paper in the house. And that bottle of green food dye that I didn't notice he had until I walked over to my wool carpet and saw that it looked drastically different. 

Sigh. Mother Nature knew what she was doing when she made puppies - being way too cute is their best defence against being murdered.

Whereas Huck has been packing on the pounds (but still looks pretty skinny ... bitch), I've been slowly losing them. I've been downgraded from Marineland Attraction Fat to Season Eight Chandler Fat. Hurrah! Still a ways to go, but I hope to one day take a picture of myself smiling while holding out the stretched waistband of the tent pants I used to wear. That same day, I think I'll also wash my hair in a waterfall and put gum in my mouth by bending it on my tongue:

So, yeah, there's that.

I've shifted from sticking to freelance work to now actually looking for full-time opportunities. I'm hoping within the next month or so, I'll have found the right fit. I love freelancing, but waiting to get paid "whenever" vs. having a steady paycheque has become a little too much of a struggle - plus there are some things I've applied for that would be really cool to do, so we'll see! I've updated my portfolio site at Jennifereve.com (yes, it still needs a bit of work) should any of you fine, random people of the Internet know someone in Toronto who is looking for a writer / marketer / communications / self-depricating type - pass it along!

I'm also officially one-year separated from ___________ (fill in your own blank! I did!), which means divorce proceedings are now just a matter of the court getting to it ... and how long that will be, I have no idea. But it's definitely something I'm looking forward to so that I can close that sad sack chapter and move on. I had thought about making a big blog post about Then vs. Now, what's changed since then and what hasn't, but .... meh.  For now, I just don't really care. Oh, for sure, there are things that I'd like to and will probably talk about - particularly some lessons learned from that marriage and divorce that hopefully others can avoid, but I'm not ready or willing to drop those beats yet. 

But in all, I feel pretty darn lucky to have what I have in my life, starting first and foremost with family and friends. I had a visit from my folks a little while ago and, man, did I ever win the parent lottery. I think I need to convince them to write a book about how to do what they do, because the world needs more of it. Seriously, all problems in life can be solved by Joe and Marie in a five-day visit.

Ok ... that's it for another two months. Or not. I do hope to get back to this just-for-fun writing stuff in a more consistent way, if only for an excuse to look up animated gifs - like this one!:

See ya!


p,  9:35 am, May 29, 2013  

A couple years back I decided to get a hamster - my apartment and income were both too small to support anything larger. I dropped ~$100 on the cage and accessories, set it all up, and bought the loveliest long haired gold and cream ham. He was really shy, so I just left him alone and went to bed.

I woke up around 6am, and decided to see what he was up to - not much, it looked like. I couldn't even see him. I ransacked the cage looking for him, but he was gone! I woke up my dude, told him what had happened, and we looked for that ham for an hour. Standing in the kitchen, just as we determined that we were probably never going to find him... the ham walked out from under the fridge, looked up at us, and headed right back underneath.

We were able to get him out from under there eventually, and I tie wrapped the hell out of any potential escape points in the cage. I'm still not sure how he escaped.

Now it's a good story, but it was so heartbreaking at the time, and that was with a pocket pet I'd known for less than 24 hours. I can't even imagine how upsetting it would be to think you'd never again see a puppy you'd raised for 2 months...

Natalie 10:50 am, May 29, 2013  

I came across your site when I was searching for, of all things, people who live like 1950s housewives. I found your writing really damn funny and, bonus, you're Canadian! So I'm glad to see you posted. Please keep doing so.

Anonymous,  3:29 pm, May 29, 2013  

Wow! Your parents sound so cool!

Unknown 11:27 am, May 30, 2013  

I can't wait this long in between posts. I slip into a deep dark depression.

Okay. Maybe not that dramatic....but I still check your blog AT LEAST once a week. Sometimes more. I've missed your writing!!

PS ~ Huck is an absolute DOLL!

Maria 7:02 pm, June 04, 2013  

If it's still enjoyable for you, please do keep updating your site! I originally visited when I came across your 50s Housewife posts two years ago (and read them all in one sitting, unfortunately during exam season) and still appreciate your non-1950s content. Your dog is adorable!

Anonymous,  1:43 pm, June 06, 2013  

So glad to see a new post! I found your blog a couple of years ago by following a link from STFU, Parents. Love your writing - highly entertaining and hilarious!

Chandler Season 8 is a perfect description of how I've been feeling lately. Also, my friends and I always change the names of exes who've wronged us - "John" becomes "Fred," "Dave" becomes "Steve," etc. - as if they're so unimportant in our lives that their names aren't worth remembering or getting right.

Anyway, PLEASE write a "now vs. then" post. If it's like any of your other posts, I'm sure it'll be funny and relatable. And, like Unknown, I hope you start to post more frequently... you know, just give up the whole "job search" (what is that about anyway?!?) and blog full-time. Who needs money when there are fans to entertain (for free)? Seriously, though - good luck with everything!

- A strange, crazy American who likes your writing and wants to be your friend (just kidding.. sort of!)

Lee,  7:24 am, June 09, 2013  

Oh, trust me, we do not come here by accident.

So glad things are going better - crossing fingers and other body parts re: job hunting.

As for dog hair, that is why I have a standard poodle. Big dog fun and almost no dog fluff!

Anonymous,  5:33 pm, June 09, 2013  

So glad to see a new post from you! I've been reading all your posts since more than year and would LOVE to see new blog posts from you more often....

Just know that you have a few hardcore followers out there who still check your blog all the time and are really happy to read new stuff from you!

Sarah H.,  7:49 pm, June 12, 2013  

Jen, I was so happy to see you posting again and that you're feeling better. I know it's been a rough year. I love your new pic. You were a beautiful bride and an even more beautiful ex-bride!

Keep your chin up. Good luck with the job hunt!

Sarah H.

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I have no shame

Need words? I'm a Toronto-based freelance writer who injects great ones into blogs, websites, magazines, ads and more. So many services, one lovely Jen (with one 'n').

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