6 Sep 2013

I'm Sorry, I Have A Cold

From Wikipedia: Monty Python
I recently participated in some lame growing-older lady activities, namely looking at antique shops and perusing places that specialize in tea blends.

I realize this puts me just a few steps away from wearing shawls and acquiring multiple cats. I've accepted that.

Anyway, at one shop the elderly woman manning the counter was big on small-talk. After the obligatory mentions of weather and gardening (ah, yes, gardening. It's official: shawls and cats are in my immediate future), our attentions were turned to a noise just outside the store.

There was cheering, chanting, and eventually, a glimpse of what was causing all the fuss (fuss! An old lady term! I should just start stocking up on Fancy Feast now.): some guys were trotting along the sidewalk; not quite goose-stepping, not quite Ukrainian dancing, but doing something confusingly in between. (If I was being literal, I guess that would make what they were doing ... Polish?) It was clearly some kind of stunt brought on by Frosh Week. I deduced this not from a Sherlock Holmesian brilliance, but from the fact they were all wearing T-shirts that had "FROSH 13" written across them. Indubitably.

"Wow," I said to the shopkeeper. "Reminds me of the Ministry of Silly Walks."

She blinked.

"From Monty Python. You know. That sketch," I smiled.

"Oh! Now, there's a name I haven't heard in a while. What else did they do, again?" she asked, keenly.

And then my brain betrayed me, as it always fucking does.

SIT ON MY FACE, AND TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME...

"Ughh," I stammered ....

I'LL SIT ON YOUR FACE, AND TELL YOU I LOVE YOU, TOO ....

"Well, they did the one about ..."

I LOVE TO HEAR YOU ORALIZE WHEN I'M BETWEEN YOUR THIGHS...

"... well, wow, they had so many sketches. And movies. It's hard to pick just one ..."

LIFE CAN BE FINE IF WE BOTH SIXTY-NINE ....

"They're a funny group from Britain, right?" she said. "I just love British humour! It's so clever. So witty!"

And - finally - a different sketch (something completely different, if you will) came to me.

"I fart in your general direction!" I screamed in her face.

"Oh, yes, right," she politely replied, having no idea what I was talking about.

I really shouldn't ever leave my home.

50 comments:

Anonymous,  11:21 am, September 06, 2013  

Now if you were to never leave your home, how would we be able to have a wee chuckle along with you?! Go out and about and keep the high jinx coming!

elsewise 11:56 am, September 06, 2013  

Just this morning my husband and I confused a friend with a Monty Python reference (we were talking about conformity or something - I did my best British "You are all individuals!" and husband replied "...I'm not!"). We collapsed in giggles and high-fived as she stared at us, befuddled. #lifeofbrian

Jacqui 8:17 am, September 07, 2013  

Love your writing! For me, Monty Python and spam always go together! Dead parrot, I'm a lumberjack, and as Elsewise already mentioned "I'm an individual" are top of mind as well. They did so many great skits didn't they. Of course when put on the spot I probably couldn't think of any either!

Student Mommy 8:12 am, September 17, 2013  

That's not Monty Python! That;s... Elderberries!!! Bollox... Willow... something...bugger.

Student Mommy 8:13 am, September 17, 2013  

Dagnammit! I keep wanting to call for Bunker!

Alanna S,  10:10 am, September 24, 2013  

If that's the case, then I'm an old lady. I love afghans and blankets on the couch and I have 5 cats and use words like 'gobsmacked' and 'fuss' and 'curmudgeon'...

Boyfriend and I were out for lunch the other day. We stuffed ourselves silly. Of course I burst into the Mr Creosote and Waiter sketch in the middle of a packed Olive Garden.

Megan Steigerwalt 2:29 pm, January 04, 2014  

This was great. My brain does the same thing to me as well. When we were learning about Oliver Cromwell in history I kept hearing the Monty Python tune of the same name in my mind.

zilla,  3:57 pm, April 02, 2015  

Now if you were to never leave your home, how would we be able to have a wee chuckle along with you?! Go out and about and keep the high jinx coming!
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