Reason #93043 To Buy A Car

Just when you think the subway and its riders can't get classier, today happens.

So, I'm riding home and I spot a perfectly "normal" looking couple doing something in public - without shame or care - that I didn't think I ever dreamed of being exposed to.

Before I continue, let me assure any of my aunts who may be reading that they do not have to ban their underage children from seeing the rest of this post: The couple in question was not doing anything humpy.

No, no - if only we were so lucky. As everyone in the subway car looked on in disbelief, the young man held his girlfriend's head in his arms ... while he searched, found, and tried to irradicate (through flicking and squeezing) ... her head lice.

Say it with me:

HUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAGHGHGHGHHGHHGH!
BBBBLLLLLLLAAAAAUUURRRRCCCCHCCHHHHKKKK!
RRRRROOOOOOOWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLFFFFFFF!

Read more...

Working For and On the Weekend

Oi. As Jacquelyn can attest, work has been pretty brutal the last little while. Sure, we got to hobnob with B-list Canadian stars recently, but besides that, it's been a Quarter Pounder of Crap with a side order of Fucker Fries and topped off with a McSuck Shake.

All in all, it's been a dish made by an evil man in red - and we've been choking on for some time.

In the midst of this, I passed my one-year with the company and was promoted to Account Supervisor, because I am just so gosh-darned super at working on the weekend and holding peoples' purses.

There is, however, a light. We just hired another Account Supervisor (starting next week) who can hopefully lighten the load enough for Jacquelyn and I to sneak off for secret mid-afternoon meetings at the bar and/or Holt Renfrew make-up counters.

In the meantime, I've been putting my spare change to good use:

Read more...

Bootylicious Prospects

So --- hurrah! Engagement!

Just when I thought I was going to have to create a secret blog that would be soley devoted to the evil aspects of my job (secret so that I not get Dooced), something comes along for me to talk about!

I have never been a fan of the word "fiancée". There is something implicitly annoying, tacky and smug about that word. I just imagine this horrible woman waving her bling finger around unneccesarily and pointing toward an overly-gelled male at the bar while announcing, "Oh, yes, my fiancée [said with emphasis] is getting me a Cosmpolitan [also said with emphasis]." And when you gaze upon her bethroded, you wonder if anyone else notices that he's staring at the waitress's ass.

No, Patrick is not that man. And I'm not that woman. Hopefully.

So that's what makes it hard to find the right words to describe him. The thing is, I like the fact that we've "upgraded" from boyfriend to "we gonna' git hitched".

The solution arrived on its own recently. In talking with someone about the engagement, I started to say "boyfriend" but then my mouth flubbed to the dreaded "fiancée" and it came out "B-e-on-say" or "Beyoncé" to the pop-cultured.

So Beyoncé it is! Whether he likes it or not (and he doesn't!)!

Read more...

Adult Content

I'm home sick today because the cold I had has become full-blown, likely agitated by the dust of our old place (you never realize how poor your dusting skills are until you move) and the sawdust of the new place (from the floors), so I've finally decided to devote some time for an update.

As most people who know me know, on my 28th birthday I became engaged to some guy I met on the Internet. We are very happy indeed.

Along with The Office on DVD, he got me a mighty fine gift that I wake up in the middle of the night over, scared that I have lost it:
We haven't done much wedding planning / thinking as we've just moved into our first home. The place is a disaster as we haven't had a lot of time to unpack it properly. It appears that we have more stuff than space (especially clothes) and need to do (yet another) purge. The flooring, however, came in beautifully and I will spend the rest of my days here obsessing about any scratches that may come to it.

So, to summarize, my thoughts are now on Benadryl, towels I'd like to put on a registry and hardwood care. It appears that I have become an adullt.

Read more...