8 Jan 2009

Confessions of a Dork V. 2

I said there would be more and there is! I am positively FILLED with horrible, true stories about moi. Seriously. If I ever wrote an autobiography, it would be called "Cringe: The Life and Times of The All-Too-Honest Jen Byck."

And yes, I've repeated the image (of me!) I used from my first "Confessions of a Dork." It's just too suitable not to use again.

So, let's get to it, shall we?

1. I have canceled not one, but TWO separate dentist appointments because of my embarrassment over the fact that the roof of my mouth was burned from eating hot pizza too quickly.

2. Whenever I wake up after a morning of 'happy drinking', I discover that at least FOUR tabs of my open browser have this video marked as 'played'. Apparently, I can't help but privately 'dance' to this (at least four times) when hammered.

3. In Grade 10, I won a provincial award for a short children's story I wrote. The truth is, I had stolen the premise of my story from an episode of The Smurfs. At the time, I was utterfly TERRIFIED of being caught.

4. I find this sexy. And have since forever. THE WHOLE DANG BRUCEY THING.

5. In Grade 7, I decided to burn all my arm hair off with Nair. One of my proudest days as a tween was when a boy in class proclaimed "Let's see Squatchie!" [Ed Note: 'Squatchie' was slang for 'Sasquatch' - my !ADORABLE! Jr. High nickname] and pulled my sleeve up ... only to dumb-foundedly find no hair at all. I then strutted around the room and proclaimed "Boys, Squatchie has left the building." And then sashayed to the girl's bathroom to hide until class was done. [Ed note, again: I said this without knowing, whatsoever, who " ... has left the building" was originally referring to.]


Anonymous,  11:01 pm, January 08, 2009  

Number 3 is cracking me up!

dragonfly 1:09 pm, January 09, 2009  

I wrote a short story in Grade 5 based on an episode of the Raccoons I think it was? Only the whole class called me out. It SUCKED!

Jen 6:38 am, January 11, 2009  

Hahaha - oh, dragonfly! Well, at least it was in Grade 5. By Grade 10, one should know better (and know Smurf episodes less!).

Anonymous,  10:34 am, January 11, 2009  

Here's your punishment for swiping the Smurf plot:

How about casting "The Smurfs Movie" for us?

Obviously Paris Hilton is Smurfette but who would play Gargamel? Pappa Smurf? The gay one?

Anonymous,  1:51 pm, January 11, 2009  


I just discovered that someone actually IS making a Smurf Movie! Sorry about that.
One can only hope that the music is by the Blue Man Group.

Jen 9:29 am, January 13, 2009  

A Smurfs movie?!? I can't decide if a live-action version would be hilarious or creepy.

Brandy 12:53 pm, January 16, 2009  

OMG that photo...I had the same outfit when I was young! Once it was pouring rain and my friend and I were outside dancing in her front yard and when we came in we changed into dry clothes and my whole body was hot pink from the pants and my torso was covered in hot pink stars!

Jen 9:10 am, January 18, 2009  

Brandy - we could have had a twins day together! Although I can't say I ever had the experience of the stars transferring onto my body :)

Anonymous,  1:31 pm, January 26, 2009  

I did the Nair thing to my arms in grade 6 or 7, too. Ha!

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I have no shame

Need words? I'm a Toronto-based freelance writer who injects great ones into blogs, websites, magazines, ads and more. So many services, one lovely Jen (with one 'n').

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