18 Jun 2009

Best. E-mail. Ever.

Semi-recently, I mentioned on the blog that I was expanding my writing services to include online dating profiles. I've actually been doing them for longer than that but really only got organized about it this spring.

Last week, I received this note from a former client I worked with in the fall. I'm such a dork, but this makes me feel so, so happy. I feel like some kind of "Love Doctor" TV character. Admittedly, it would be the most boring show ever if it didn't get any "TV wackiness" injected into it. Otherwise, it would look something like this:

* Scene 1: Jen sits in bed with her laptop.
* Scene 2: Jen gets up to use the washroom.
* Scene 3: Jen is back in bed, typing.
* Scene 4: Jen melts some cheese on a plate and eat it with a fondue fork.(TV AUDIENCE CHEERS)
* Scene 5: Jen is back on her laptop and attaches a Word doc to an e-mail.
* Scene 6: Jen zones out for a while.
* Scene 7: Jen considers having a shower. Jen rejects idea.

Where was I? Oh, right. SOMETHING ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE. Names have been edited for privacy.

Subject: Plans for June 2010?


I'm sure - well - hope! - you remember me. In September, you helped me take my ho-hum Lavalife profile and turn it into a real representation of who I was and who I was looking for. It was great working with you and I knew right away the profile was perfect. You really nailed who I was, something I hadn't been able to do despite trying the online dating thing for a couple years.

Well, guess who's engaged? :) !! I proposed to Alice, who I met all of a week after posting perfected-by-Jen profile, two days ago. I can't thank you enough. Without your help, I don't think I would have stood out among everyone else and got my chance to get to know the greatest girl I've ever met.

Maybe it's weird to e-mail you, but I really felt like you should know because while the relationship is mine and Alice, you played a part in it getting started. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.


* Scene 8: Jen is all gushy and happy.

Congratulations Ted & Alice! So thrilled for you!


12 Jun 2009

Barf Central

The other day I had a meeting downtown and figured I would dig out one of my "business" purses from the closet. It's this huge awesome black purse that can hold a laptop and oh-so-much more.

Anyway, I get to my meeting and the person I'm scheduled to chat with is running a few minutes behind. As I had a bit of alone time in the boardroom, I figured I could discreetly organize a couple things in my purse. No, I did not tip it over and dump the contents out on the table ... I'm not that idiotic! I just looked into it and shuffled a few things here and there. Then I came across a part of the purse that I almost never use - it's a section that has a separate zipper to keep it closed and it was partially unzipped when I found it that morning and didn't think anything of it.

So I unzipped it, looked in and gasped.

Just then, I saw the girl I was meeting coming over, so I placed my purse down and attempted to act all natural-like for the next hour.

What was in my purse, dear reader asks?


If I get any jobs from the girl I met, it is because I am a magician / Jedi who cast a spell on her that said "IGNORE THE CRAZY LOOK ON MY FACE. HIRE ME FOR THINGS. I'm NOT looking at my purse every five minutes, I am actually coming up with GENIUS CONVERSATION POINTS and am SIMPLY GLANCING AT THE GROUND AS I DO THIS." The entire time I was talking to her, I kept imagining a zombie mouse climbing out of my pseudo-briefcase and attacking the both of us.

I am not cut out for life. Nor was the baby mouse, apparently.


2 Jun 2009

If I Owned A House, Less People Would Know I'm An Idiot (Maybe)

After receiving a noise complaint from one of my neighbours, my condo's security just came by to remind me that construction in my suite is limited between 9am and 5pm.

I was too embarrassed to admit what I had really just been doing ...


I was trying to open a coconut.

(and it STILL isn't open.)

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I have no shame

Need words? I'm a Toronto-based freelance writer who injects great ones into blogs, websites, magazines, ads and more. So many services, one lovely Jen (with one 'n').

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