23 Dec 2010

50s Christmas: Everything Is Aluminumated

Sorry for the lateness of today's post. Loading a video to YouTube proved annoyingly time-consuming and error-filled. Yarg.

Today, I show you the completed look of our home when the 50s Housewife Does Christmas! But first, I have some gift wrapping to do. There actually wasn't much to wrap as we mainly gave gift cards this year (I know, not very 50s of us) but I turned to my resources for inspiration all the same. This one is from Better Homes and Gardens (Dec. 1959). Wrapping with straws and muffin cups and aluminum foil ... something tells me this woman didn't get out of the kitchen much:

And then there are these bizarre suggestions (I'm looking at your Puff Ball Container) from Good Housekeeping's Book of Cookies:
Well ... if they say so! I had picked up some cute jewelry for a couple people and wrapped my heart out with the 50s spirit flowing from my fingertips. The results:
After the straw tree incident, I was quick to chat with Patrick and explain that those things were not garbage - despite the fact that one of the packages looked like it was covered in Santa pubes. That one just so happens to be for my mother-in-law who will undoubtedly correctly think her son has married a raging alcoholic.

Gift Wrap: 1950s Christmas Checklist
√ Tiny details
√ Colourful
√ Highly Flammable
√ Confusing

With gifts wrapped, it was time to give them a home - under a tree. This was my big 1950s splurge - I bought a vintage aluminum tree, a rotating musical stand and a colour wheel. Say it with me: SQUEEEEEEE! (or if you're Patrick: UUUUUGGGGGHHH. Where are we going to put that?) Naturally, I also picked up a bundle of vintage mercury glass ornaments from the 50s - and, my, how they're breakable.

Here's some pictures of the Christmas tree craziness:
Fun, right? I'm not sure why these aren't popular anymore ... The shock risk? The tackiness? The strange tumours people develop after being near one? Those pictures just don't do my darling any justice, but you'll eventually see a video in which I oggle our aluminum tree like I'm some kind of Christmas perv, so be sure to check that out!

Christmas Tree: 1950s Christmas Checklist
√ Tiny details
√ Colourful
√ Presents an obvious danger to small children, pets and idiots
√ Cancer-causing (maybe? Just a guess)

Image Source: Family Christmas Online
With all this great stuff set up, there was only one 1950s holiday decor aspect missing: a gruesome electrical fire lighting! I had intended to show you vintage bubble lights, but that's one of the things that the post office appears to be holding onto indefinitely. Boo. We instead bought large bulb indoor / outdoor LED lights, which I guess are safer, but obviously not quite the same.

We are also tempting a flammable fate by having a few candles about, but I did resist going for that 1950s mega-fire hazard, the rotating angel chimes. It's basically a flimsily-held together spinner that moves when the heat from a bunch of candles beneath it rises. It's basically a balancing act that meets fire - what could possibly go wrong? (Google: "Angel Chimes" + cat + disaster)

With all this crafting going on, I hope no one out there thinks I'm being a neglectful 50s housewife when it comes to dear Patrick. Rest assured, his bar is well stocked - now with some roasted nuts and marzipan. That's enough alcohol to get a small elephant wasted (Merry Christmas, Babar).

I also made a festive meal today, straight out of the Better Homes and Gardens December 1959 issue:
 I followed the recipe to the letter - which means nearly everything on our plate came from a can. Never had I ever had hamburger that contained evaporated milk but ... tis the season?
It turned out fine, although Patrick did not care for the sweet potatoes, especially when he found out they weren't fresh from Mexico. He also didn't try the plum pudding, but if you've followed our previous 50s housewife experiments and are familiar with what edibles Patrick loathes, you'd hardly be surprised that something stuffed with plums and raisins got the big ol' nose-turn by Mr. Byck. What-ev.

Holiday Meal: 1950s Christmas Checklist
√ Tiny details
√ Colourful
√ Highly Flammable
√ Diabetes and / or Cancer-causing

So - wanna see the whole place done up? It's more charming in person, but here's a quick video of the place, with a scotch-sipping cameo by Patrick!

Yes, I realize the fact that I made and posted this video makes me an ultra dork. Is that really news?

Tomorrow you'll read all about our 50s Christmas Cocktail Party for which I made not one, not two, but three molds. The holiday spread really was something to vomit over.

8 comments:

Anonymous,  12:32 am, December 24, 2010  

So fun! Thanks for the video - good job!

Joe (father of the monkey),  2:20 am, December 24, 2010  

Laugh out loud funny, but I prefer Aluminated to Aluminumated - just for the record. For god's sake have an evacuation plan in place and practice! The condo looks so flammable the mice will have checked out until New Years!

Anonymous,  7:51 am, December 24, 2010  

hahahaha.. frightening for sure jen. i am afraid it does look like the fifties ..cool decorations. merry christmas and keep me laughing.t

Chris 3:59 pm, December 24, 2010  

Maybe it's just me, but I think the fact that your Noma Bubble-Lites have not arrived is a blessing in disguise. Something about that ad for them makes me uneasy.

Jen 3:30 pm, December 30, 2010  

Thanks all!

Joe - I actually *did* have Aluminated at first, but then I figured someone out there might think that was how I actually thought it should be spelled, so I made it mega obvious instead.

Chris - True. It was probably a secret Christmas gift to not receive them after all ....

Anonymous,  1:27 pm, November 15, 2011  

Am I the only person who noted that the bubble lights look like a giant phallus? I can't be the only one.

Kayla 12:32 pm, December 06, 2011  

I know this is a year late, but I got a box of Christmas decorations from my Aunt this year for my first apartment, and she included Noma lights! I have no idea what to do with them, as there are only 7 in a string. Did you eventually get yours from the post?

Mary 5:13 pm, September 03, 2015  

Omg, I happened upon your blog when I was looking for 1950s-housewife-sarcasm-blog inspiration, and I loved your Christmas video! I also loved your two weeks of 50s housewifery, and girl...you have energy to burn, lol! This definitely goes into my bookmarks, and I have to stop back by again- thanks so much for the best laughs I've had this last couple of weeks (we just moved out of state, and absolutely nothing is funny)- now I have to go nap, your antics have exhausted me! ;)

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Need words? I'm a Toronto-based freelance writer who injects great ones into blogs, websites, magazines, ads and more. So many services, one lovely Jen (with one 'n').

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