I'm Not Dead, But I've Been Busy

... so, Internet, please tell me what I missed this week. I literally have no idea what cat video is meme'ing right now and that troubles me deeply.

And that troubles me deeply.

What were the highlights of this week? Did we get a peek of Snooki's bum(p)? What's the baby animal de jour? (it was hedgehogs last time I checked. Are hedgehogs still hot?? I need to know!) Are women in the States still allowed to have sex?

I'm serious - I need a report!

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Awful Things I Think #8239

I wish the TTC had the means to gently electrocute passengers who disobeyed the courtesy rules of public transit.

I have it all worked out. Here's a small example of crimes and suggested punishments, based on what I've seen just this week while 'riding the rocket':

• Wearing your backpack in a crowded subway: a wee reminder shock
• Leaning on the poles when people are trying to hold onto them: a short buzz of electricity
• Trying to get onto the subway while people are still filing out: a quick tazing
• Pretending you don't notice the person with mobility issues who you should offer your seat to: a jaw-clenching jolt
• Eating durian on a streetcar: LEVEL 10 DEATH RAY

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