7 May 2012

Oh, Internet, The Things You Don't Know ...

I've decided to edit this down and remove most of the post; the bulk of it probably should have just gone in a sparkly diary with a little pink lock.

I'll just leave it as:

1) Patrick moved out yesterday.
2) I'm "not the same girl he married."
3) There's more to it than that.
4) I feel hurt, humiliated, and betrayed.
5) I'm certain he feels sad, too.

He's not a bad person, I'm just not the same girl he married; I'm so much better than that.


Anonymous,  2:08 pm, May 07, 2012  

I'm so sorry. That's all. I hope it gets better.

Anonymous,  2:18 pm, May 07, 2012  


You are awesome.

Anonymous,  3:09 pm, May 07, 2012  

I'm so sorry. I love your blog, and agree- you are awesome. I've been in your situation and I promise it will get better.

And I hope karma kicks him in the ass. . . Sorry couldn't help myself.

LaurenRitta 3:26 pm, May 07, 2012  

Ugh, so sorry. Some guys can't hack it with truly awesome ladiez. The only answer is time, preferably time filled with people who think you're great and wine and things that make you laugh.

Anonymous,  3:35 pm, May 07, 2012  

Oh, I'm so sorry. I was worried the radio silence was indicative of other issues.
I divorced 5 years ago after 12 years married - 15 together. I kept SO many secrets, big ones, to try to protect him.
In the end... I couldn't protect him from him.
Lean on your strong friends and family. Take your time, heal, and bounce back better than ever!!

I love reading your blog, EVEN though you're a Canuck!

father of the monkey,  3:43 pm, May 07, 2012  

Of course we have talked and of course we will come there to be with you very soon. As we have said, let your friends be friends to you and accept their offers of help and support. You are a very strong person and will get through this with the help of those who truly care about you and that includes all of your family.

kelly,  3:45 pm, May 07, 2012  

i am so sorry. i know you're not into the praying gig, particularly, but if it's ok with you, i'll send one up for you anyway. i wish you peace and healing and comfort.

Krista,  3:46 pm, May 07, 2012  

Sad news! Love you blog and your stories. My heart goes out to you!

Good luck!

Anne 4:14 pm, May 07, 2012  

Oh Jen, I am so so sorry. I've been thinking about you and was hoping that you were swamped with your fabulous new job. You are so fun and awesome and if we were real-life friends I would bring you hot cocoa and rice krispie treats. As it is, I'll just send internet hugs and know that I'll be thinking about you.

Anonymous,  4:27 pm, May 07, 2012  

well, fudge.

Susan Vollenweider 4:35 pm, May 07, 2012  

Suckage. I'm so sorry that you are going through this, but know--none of us are the same girls they married. If we stayed the same, we wouldn't grow. Staying the same girl is just creepy.

I respect you so much more for not posting this as it was happening.

Life will get less painful.

Cat 4:49 pm, May 07, 2012  

Big Hugs Jen. May each day improve with the rising of the sun.

Anonymous,  5:19 pm, May 07, 2012  

This is exactly what not to do when you get dumped. This reminds me of something my ex-finance would have done, when I was on my way out the door because she was "too awesome". Assume no blame, and enjoy the pretend high road.

JacquiG 5:32 pm, May 07, 2012  

Jenn, ignore anonymous above, obviously they didn't read your post properly.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. The end of a marriage is never easy. Lean on your friends and family, give yourself a proper chance to grieve what is lost, and then live your best life.

Things will get better.

Charms,  6:09 pm, May 07, 2012  

Oh Jenn, I'm so sorry. I have no cliches to offer, this is just plain crappy.

Kelly 6:29 pm, May 07, 2012  

Wow, that totally blows. I was hoping we've hadn't seen much of you because of your new awesome job...

Well, those of us out here in the land of the internets and interwebs wish good things for you.

And ditto what most of the other commenters have said, good luck, so sorry to hear such a shitty thing.

Anonymous,  8:11 pm, May 07, 2012  

I'm so sorry.

MMM,  10:20 pm, May 07, 2012  

Wow. No matter what? Team Jen. Period.

Meagan,  11:51 pm, May 07, 2012  

Just an random reader, but thought I'd say I'm so sorry... that bites. People change-- it works best if you change and grow together. But if you happen to move in different directions, well, it doesn't mean either one of you isn't "awesome" or better.

As for the "there's more to it"... I'm sorry. There's always so much more.

Contrary to what "anonymous" believes, saying you're better than before is just seeing yourself as having value rather than letting the break-up make you feel like you're crap. Believing you're still a good person, one who has grown and improved in many ways, doesn't blame anyone.

Anyway, I wish you the best. I love your blog. And you deserve happiness.

Kelley 1:39 am, May 08, 2012  

I'm so sorry, Jen. I've really enjoyed reading your blog and I feel like I've gotten to know you a bit. Even though we've never met, I'm very sad to hear your news.

Hugs from California.

Kelley 1:50 am, May 08, 2012  

I was watching this video this evening and thought of you. I hope you like it.

megafie 2:24 am, May 08, 2012  

I'm so sorry, hun. Here's a big HUUUUUGGGGGG from Baltimore with love!
Your loyal reader

Unknown 3:04 am, May 08, 2012  

Gosh. I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you can use your blog friends to help you through this difficult time.

AP 3:50 am, May 08, 2012  

Wow, sad news... Thinking of you and wishing you all the best...

Anonymous,  9:49 am, May 08, 2012  

As a recent divorcee after 13 years of marriage (18 together) I know that the pain runs deep! Get counseling to help you through and to realize that you have no control over other people...you are awesome and will make it through this!!

Meaghan,  11:55 am, May 08, 2012  

I'm sorry. I can also say i know how you feel cause, from the 5 bullet points, i'm going through a lot of the same thing. We were together just shy of 10 years, married for a year and a half. Instead of working on it (mostly his issues)he took a walk. What's with these guys eh? If you know how to get to the other side of this without feeling like a giant bag of shit all the time, i'd appreciate the insight!
Take care of yourself xox

Anonymous,  1:34 pm, May 08, 2012  

Hi Jen,

I want you to know that it's not the end of the world, and that many, many people still love you.

I have only recently found your blog, and nearly lost coffee through my nose laughing at some of your earlier posts.

You are a funny, and very talented writer, from the looks of your blog you have a loving circle of support close at hand. Most of all you deserve to be happy.

M. Butterfly 2:04 pm, May 08, 2012  

:( So sorry. I agree with Susan that we ALL change after our marriage; it's called "growth" and part of being a healthy adult.
Sending you lots of internet hugs and blog love. It will get better, even though it sucks right now.

Hello Jodi 3:17 pm, May 08, 2012  

Oh man, what a big pile of suck. It just sucks and sucks and sucks. If you feel like a road trip, Ohio welcomes you. I wish I lived closer. I make awesome frozen sangria. Also margaritas with Five Alive.

Your internet friend,
Hello Jodi

Melissa O. 8:26 pm, May 08, 2012  

This is so sad! I'm so sorry. Would he really want you to be the same girl he married? People grow and change. I'm sure he's not exactly the same person you married, either. Bleh. This stinks! I hope things work out. Counseling helps whether you go alone or together. Even though we're strangers, I'll be sending good thoughts and prayers your way!

You are awesome and amazing!

The Toxic Housewife 10:42 pm, May 08, 2012  

Thinking of both you and Patrick and hoping you find peace.

Denise 5:49 am, May 09, 2012  

So, so sorry, Jen! Please take care.

Anonymous,  8:54 am, May 09, 2012  

I'm so sorry for both of you. At least you can financially support yourself with your job, unlike so many divorcees in the 1950s.

Anonymous,  10:40 am, May 09, 2012  

I'm so sorry.

Michelle Moore 10:48 am, May 09, 2012  

This hit me like a shockwave. I can't even imagine how you feel. I'm so sorry Jen.

Anonymous,  2:34 pm, May 09, 2012  

Oh, Jen, all the very best! You've given me some good laughs t times I really needed them.

Anonymous,  3:56 pm, May 09, 2012  

So sad to hear. Wishing you strength and good cocktails to get through this.

Anonymous,  6:21 pm, May 09, 2012  

I am sorry Jen, I hope for the best for you.

Janellie 12:32 am, May 10, 2012  

I am so sorry. After reading your blog for so long (it was my addiction, even), your laughs were my laughs and now that you are going through this I want you to know my heart goes out to you. I hope you can work things out...

DV,  11:57 am, May 10, 2012  

Oh, honey. I'm so sorry. Breakups are never easy but I'll echo what most of the other comments have said, that you need to spend time with family and friends and just remember that you're awesome with or without a significant other.

Your writing is intelligent and witty, and from what I imagine your personality to be I'm sure you're just as wonderful in person.

Ignore the bitter anonymous gutter snipe who feels now would be the appropriate time to berate you. Everyone does grow and change for the better over time, and that's no one's fault. You didn't place blame and you shouldn't feel guilty or immature for what you said. It's a hell of a lot less than I would have said in such a situation.

Anyway, hugs and well-wishes from the States. It'll get easier over time, and you'll find someone who appreciates the new-and-improved You.

Anonymous,  4:08 pm, May 10, 2012  

Dear Jen

I am so sorry to hear about you and Patrick. I wish you all the best for your future, whatever it may hold but I'm sure you gonna turn it into something great, even though it might not seem this way right now. Cuz if you are even remotely as awesome as I think you are from reading your blog,then you have a kick-ass personality and can take on anything in the world!!

Erin 1:06 am, May 11, 2012  

I'm back on the beat and just checked out your blog this evening, I have truly missed it! I love your humor and love your words. I am sorry that you are having a difficult time, but you are strong and you will make it through. You are too awesome not to! Can't wait for your next post. Your fan, Erin!

Anonymous,  10:46 am, May 11, 2012  

I have recommended your blog to everyone I can think of because you brought me so much laughter and joy while I was dealing with a really difficult time. I hope knowing that helps you a little bit through this difficult time. Keep on shining, Jen!

Anonymous,  9:51 am, May 12, 2012  

Your dad is so sweet :)

I'm so sorry that you have to go through such a difficult thing. I've often heard that buying a home and moving are among the top stressors in a marriage.

And of course you're not the same person you were years ago. My husband and I have been together for 19 years and have four kids. If he were still the twenty year old boy I married he woudn't be able to handle the challenges and responsibilities of our life as it is now.

Stay strong.

Anonymous,  11:12 pm, May 16, 2012  

My condolences but congratulations on you being so much better then that.

Amanda 10:53 pm, May 17, 2012  

Wow. I just stumbled upon your blog through a Google image search and am totally going to become a follower. What's interesting is that I notice a lot of common themes between your writing and mine. Which is to say that I relate to what you're going through, and I'm sorry. Looking forward to reading more, though. Hang in there.

Tiffany,  9:02 am, May 19, 2012  

I'm a casual reader of your blog and I just want to say how sorry I am. You're a funny, intelligent, vibrant person and I have no doubt you grow and become better all the time, as people are supposed to. If he can't handle that, it's his loss. Big hug.

Kathi 11:27 am, May 19, 2012  

You're awesome and strong! This is a tough experience, but you will be OK!

Meghan,  7:55 pm, May 19, 2012  

There is a saying, no idea who by, that women commit hoping the man will change, while men commit hoping the woman will stay the same. The thing is that both people change no matter what, so what the hell. I didn't see the pre-redacted post, but I get the impression that perhaps he's justifying his own feelings by putting it all on you-and that's shit. I feel like the home buying thing is a curse; I know several couples who have split shortly after buying their first home.

Lisa 8:16 pm, May 31, 2012  

I'm so sorry, I just found your blog and have really been enjoying it. I hope things work out for the best, whatever that is.

Tammy,  9:44 am, June 03, 2012  

Catching up on my favourite blogs (both of them) and I see this. I am sending hugs to you from 10 minutes west of your parents right now, and coffee still stands, or something stiffer whenever you come out.
However this shakes out, I'm sure you will be stronger and better at the end, whether single and fabulous or reunited. I have that much faith in you and your support system.

Am,  3:13 am, June 20, 2012  

I''m going through something similar. My husband and I have been separated for well over a month, still not sure what will happen between us. Once I got over the seemingly never-ending sadness and feeling embarassed that this happened to me, I feel like I have learned and am still learning so much about myself. I would have never believed that I would feel this strong or this right about the choices I'm making for myself, but I know now that I have to rely on myself.

Anonymous,  10:02 am, June 24, 2012  

Jen, I'm so sorry. Best wishes to you in what is undoubtedly an extremely tough time.

SkippyMom 11:38 am, September 20, 2014  

Again, this is way after the fact and I have been trying to catch up on your whole blog -

but I am sorry this happened. Divorce is never easy, and I guess hindsight is 20/20 but you said a few things in your posts "50 Housewives Experiment" that made me wonder.

The one that screamed at me was when you said [paraphrase] "He is the one that loses his temper quick/all the time" in regards to yelling or something. I thought - "Wow, and I thought his picky eating thing was childish, but this? Alarm bells."

What I am trying to say is - he didn't deserve you and you are better off without him. I am not trying to demean him or your marriage, but for the few posts I read...I just found you so lovely, and your words so telling.

As someone else said - it does get better, but I bet you have already figured this out.

And btw - Huck is a much better date. :)

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Need words? I'm a Toronto-based freelance writer who injects great ones into blogs, websites, magazines, ads and more. So many services, one lovely Jen (with one 'n').

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