25 Oct 2011

Now Vs. Then: Toilet Paper Edition

Here's something you probably already know: When advertisers have nothing clever to say about their product, there's a tendency to make up a problem that doesn't really exist and then claim their product corners the market in solving this fake issue.

Like what?

Oh, like having the CONSTANT PROBLEM of toilet paper pieces sticking to your anus. Uh-oh, that's not going to "pass inspection" (by whom, I'd rather not ponder too long on).

What do you mean that doesn't happen to you?

Oh, that's right, because that happens to NO ONE.

The thing is, I bet people now think this really is an issue because we're all somehow too embarrassed to admit out loud that this commercial is based on pure fiction and that our rectums aren't, in fact, made of Velcro (my bum, however, DOES get all Twilight-y when I clean it. Doesn't yours?).

And what's with the rubbing of the toiler paper against the face? Have any of you been so impressed with your toilet paper's softness that you took a bit with you for a post-wipe cuddle?

Have advertisers always been this silly?

Scott Soft-Weve ad from 1958

Yes, yes they have.

This ad isn't just goofy because no one ever stopped in awe over the luxuriousness of "facial quality" toilet paper, but because of what she's wearing in the ad. If you read the copy, you find out that that isn't an evening gown - she's in what advertisers suggest are essentially pyjamas:

Is it pathetic that, despite finding it all rather ridiculous, I sort of love how overly glamorous that ad is? In any case, it sure beats a sales pitch anchored around the idea of toilet paper "bum crumbs".

Edited to Say: Ok, a few of you have emailed and a few of you have commented to say that Charmin actually does address a real issue with its "toilet paper bits left behind" shtick. WHA? I don't ... understand. Is there a way you guys can explain this to me without me throwing up? How does hair (and how much hair could people possibly have around there?!?) cause bits to shred off and cling?


Anne 4:31 pm, October 25, 2011  

Is it wrong that I kind of want that nightgown just to wear around the house?

Anonymous,  9:45 pm, October 25, 2011  

And here I thought the main t.p. issue was it sticking to the sole of your shoe....

Anonymous,  10:11 pm, October 25, 2011  

The problem I have with the whole "bumb-crumb" sales pitch is the use of bears to illustrate the alleged problem. I have to expect that if bears did indeed use toilet paper, then there might be a wide spread demand for a solution. In their defense, though, some "less expensive" brands can leave pieces on those of us with more hairy bumbs.

CL 7:33 am, October 26, 2011  

I Think the bear represents people with hairy butts. This is no doubt a problem for people with hair down there.

Hello Jodi 4:15 pm, October 26, 2011  

Actually, that is exactly why I don't buy Charmin and the ilk. Too soft, too much lint on the female bits. No one wants a mouth full of tp bits.

Hello Jodi 8:00 pm, October 26, 2011  

It's not the hair that does it, it's the moisture. Causes the paper to shred. And I don't think charmin addresses this as their product is the worst for it.

free standing toilet paper holder 12:18 pm, March 11, 2012  

I also think the main t.p. issue was it sticking to the sole of your shoe....

Anonymous,  5:57 am, March 25, 2012  

Actually, Kleenex tissue produces a lot of lint period. It even leaves a bit when u wipe your nose.

Britt 10:02 pm, May 05, 2012  

Here I thought I was the only one that doesn't understand this problem Charmin believes we all have.

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