35 Facts About My Parents That I'm Going To Share With The Internet Whether They Like It Or Not (Because They're Not The Boss Of Me Anymore)
35. It's my parents' 35th wedding anniversary today!
34. My mom's name is Marie-Paule, but she just goes by Marie to appease the anglophones of Alberta.
33. My father's name is Joe, he has always gone by Joe, even though in his high school yearbook he's referred to as "Joey". He claims he has no idea why someone would have written that.
32. In my mom's high school yearbook, she was given the nickname "Lips". She claims it's because she has big lips, but we all know that isn't true.
31. I mean, this is what she looked like back then. You just know she was beating the boys off:
30. With a stick. WITH A STICK, you sickos.
29. But surely my dad was quite the catch, too:
28. Uh ... anyway ... they got married in a tiny ceremony at city hall. They had a party at their home afterwards.
27. The bride was 19. She wore a white dress and gigantic glasses.
26. The groom was 26. He wore a velvet clip-on bow tie.
25: See for yourself:
24. It was the 70s.
22. They lived in a town that looks like what every American thinks of when they think of Canada:
21. Back then, they did weird things for fun:
20. And wore a lot of short shorts with sandals with other people who wore short shorts and sandals:
19. But then after a couple of years, they ruined it all:
18. Parenting did not always come naturally:
17. But despite that, they decided to have another kid and this weirdo showed up:
16. And because no one used sunscreen back then, their older child turned into a little Mexican. The couch stayed the same:
15. See - no sunscreen!
14. It got to the point that the little Mexican eventually turned into a small Indian woman. And the couch still stayed the same:
13. They celebrated many Christmases together and styled their children's hair into festive mullets during the winter months to make up for their lack of ethnically-confusing suntans:
12. Now that the family had conquered style, Marie decided to finally get a new couch. Actually, she just reupholstered the old ugly one. This was right around the time the eldest child's looks peaked and she started to look Italian, while the younger one had turned into a boy:
11. But Marie and Joe kept up the glamour; Marie with a can of hairspray a day and Joe with his promise to not let his beard get all "I-am-the-leader-of-a-cult" again ...
10. ... like it had been in the '80s:
8. Eventually their children grew up and moved away and Marie and Joe
7. They've retired and now do lots of travelling, especially to areas of the world that allow them to let it all hang out:
3. You can even see it in other people's wedding pictures:
1. Everybody who knows them, and even some of the people who don't (right, Internet?), wish them a very happy 35 years of marriage and many, many more happy years together.
We love you.