3 Dec 2011

35 Facts About My Parents That I'm Going To Share With The Internet Whether They Like It Or Not (Because They're Not The Boss Of Me Anymore)

35. It's my parents' 35th wedding anniversary today!
34. My mom's name is Marie-Paule, but she just goes by Marie to appease the anglophones of Alberta.
33. My father's name is Joe, he has always gone by Joe, even though in his high school yearbook he's referred to as "Joey". He claims he has no idea why someone would have written that.
32. In my mom's high school yearbook, she was given the nickname "Lips". She claims it's because she has big lips, but we all know that isn't true.
31. I mean, this is what she looked like back then. You just know she was beating the boys off:

30. With a stick. WITH A STICK, you sickos.
29. But surely my dad was quite the catch, too:

28. Uh ... anyway ... they got married in a tiny ceremony at city hall. They had a party at their home afterwards.
27. The bride was 19. She wore a white dress and gigantic glasses.
26. The groom was 26. He wore a velvet clip-on bow tie.
25: See for yourself:

24. It was the 70s.
23. Evidence:

22. They lived in a town that looks like what every American thinks of when they think of Canada:

21. Back then, they did weird things for fun:

20. And wore a lot of short shorts with sandals with other people who wore short shorts and sandals:

19. But then after a couple of years, they ruined it all:

18. Parenting did not always come naturally:

17. But despite that, they decided to have another kid and this weirdo showed up:

16. And because no one used sunscreen back then, their older child turned into a little Mexican. The couch stayed the same:

15. See - no sunscreen!

14. It got to the point that the little Mexican eventually turned into a small Indian woman. And the couch still stayed the same:

13. They celebrated many Christmases together and styled their children's hair into festive mullets during the winter months to make up for their lack of ethnically-confusing suntans:

12. Now that the family had conquered style, Marie decided to finally get a new couch. Actually, she just reupholstered the old ugly one. This was right around the time the eldest child's looks peaked and she started to look Italian, while the younger one had turned into a boy:

11. But Marie and Joe kept up the glamour; Marie with a can of hairspray a day and Joe with his promise to not let his beard get all "I-am-the-leader-of-a-cult" again ...

10.  ... like it had been in the '80s:
9. And Joe and Marie kept on living it up with things like curling at MacDonald Island, hanging out with their friends, and working at companies that make Al Gore cry.
8. Eventually their children grew up and moved away and Marie and Joe had nothing left to live for celebrated this by moving into a whole bunch of houses - first to Edmonton, then to Saskatoon, and finally settling in Okotoks.
7. They've retired and now do lots of travelling, especially to areas of the world that allow them to let it all hang out:
6. But when they're home they like to do the very opposite of what I like to do, and that's go outside and not eat. They especially like it if this outdoorsy-ness involves hiking up the side of a mountain:
5. But they also do things that I can relate to:
4. And during all this time and despite all the challenges - like cancer, stresses of raising a family, 80s fashion experiments, and jerk children who spill family stories on the Internet like the time Marie went nuts and threw out ALL of the children's toys - they actually still seem to like each other.
3. You can even see it in other people's wedding pictures:
2. They are such a nice couple and such nice people that even when their silly children talk to each other on Skype they say things like, "how cute are Mom and Dad?" and "I love how they're still in love" and "they really showed us what good marriage was" and "I can't believe how lucky we were to have them as parents". It gets even more mushier and smooshier than that if one or both of the children has been drinking.
1. Everybody who knows them, and even some of the people who don't (right, Internet?), wish them a very happy 35 years of marriage and many, many more happy years together.

We love you.


Jess 9:54 pm, December 03, 2011  

Happy anniversary Jen's parents! Numbers 14-16 had my laughing out loud. alone. like a crazy person.

father of the monkey,  10:01 pm, December 03, 2011  

Oh my god! We laughed so hard tears were rolling down our cheeks!

We are so proud of you two it hurts sometimes.

Many of those photos are very familiar but there are some there that I never knew you had.

God, you are one funny Mexican/Indian/Italian monkey!

Thanks for putting this together.

Anonymous,  10:06 pm, December 03, 2011  

A very happy anniversary to Joe and Marie. Your daughter's blog has kept me very entertained and I have a feeling some of that humor and insight must come from her parents. :)

mother of the monkey,  10:23 pm, December 03, 2011  

Well done. Very funny - you made us laugh and cry at the same time. What a gift.

Karen 10:31 pm, December 03, 2011  

Aw, dude, that was both funny and sweet. Sniffle. Happy anniversary to father and mother of the monkey!

Anne 10:39 pm, December 03, 2011  

Happy Anniversary Joe and Marie! Congratulations on 35 years, and cheers to another 35!

Jennifer 10:46 pm, December 03, 2011  

Happy Anniversary!!!! I hear the second 35 years are easier than the first 35!!!

Kirstie,  11:14 pm, December 03, 2011  

Lovely, lovely - with generous sprinkles of laughter. Very Happy Anniversary to Jen But Never Jenn's Parents. 35 years is a great accomplishment.

Elizabeth Ross 12:04 am, December 04, 2011  

A very Happy Anniversary to Marie and Joe. Always enjoy Jen's Blog, and this especially, great sense of humor that I'm sure she gets from her Mom and Dad.

Anonymous,  1:25 am, December 04, 2011  


Lauren,  11:22 am, December 04, 2011  

Congratulations to Marie and Joe from an internet stranger in NYC!

Susan Vollenweider 2:56 pm, December 04, 2011  

Happy Anniversary, Joe and Marie! What a wild ride you two have been on these past 35 years,heartfelt wishes for many, many more!


A tiny part of the internet that always cracks up when Dad posts on Jen's blogs.

Anonymous,  3:49 pm, December 04, 2011  

I don't know you or your parents, but you guys seem like such a fun family. Bravo to the parents and congratulations on your anniversary.

Anonymous,  9:01 pm, December 04, 2011  

This is so sweet!

Anonymous,  9:29 am, December 05, 2011  

Aww, this was very sweet! (Brought a wee tear to me eye and I don't even know ya) Happy Anniversary to Joe and Marie! Here's to another 35 years (plus long term care insurance)!

Lacey,  1:52 pm, December 05, 2011  

I really, really, really love this blog post. I've laughed at so many of your articles, but this one is just perfection. Happy belated anniversary!

Unapologetically Mundane 2:51 pm, December 05, 2011  

What an enjoyable post about a couple of strangers! I think it was the velvet clip-on tie that won me over. I'm just weirded out that your parents started out as, like, freaky 70s people and then turned into normal people who have children and respectable haircuts and stuff. Will I also like going outside and not eating in 30 years?

Anonymous,  5:36 pm, December 05, 2011  

Very cute post!!!

Anonymous,  10:18 pm, December 05, 2011  

Is your Mom wearing Dr. Scholl's sandals--wish I had another pair ahhhh the memories!

Di Smith 11:16 pm, December 05, 2011  

Absolutely adorable and totally smooshie. Happy Anniversary, Joe and Marie! (from a random internet stranger)

Donna 12:29 am, December 07, 2011  

Wonderful commentary! Sincere congratulations to Marie and Joe from the Gregoires who also met and married because of Schefferville!

@therebelchick 3:28 pm, December 07, 2011  

Aw, I don't even know you guys and that made me teary eyed!

Jen 11:24 pm, December 08, 2011  

Thanks so much for all your comments, everyone! Heart, heart, heart. :)

Sarah,  1:19 pm, May 10, 2012  

I know I'm a little late to the party but this post had my laughing until I cried. You are one talented blogger, Jen!

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Need words? I'm a Toronto-based freelance writer who injects great ones into blogs, websites, magazines, ads and more. So many services, one lovely Jen (with one 'n').

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