I'm Not Dead, But I've Been Busy

... so, Internet, please tell me what I missed this week. I literally have no idea what cat video is meme'ing right now and that troubles me deeply.

And that troubles me deeply.

What were the highlights of this week? Did we get a peek of Snooki's bum(p)? What's the baby animal de jour? (it was hedgehogs last time I checked. Are hedgehogs still hot?? I need to know!) Are women in the States still allowed to have sex?

I'm serious - I need a report!

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Awful Things I Think #8239

I wish the TTC had the means to gently electrocute passengers who disobeyed the courtesy rules of public transit.

I have it all worked out. Here's a small example of crimes and suggested punishments, based on what I've seen just this week while 'riding the rocket':

• Wearing your backpack in a crowded subway: a wee reminder shock
• Leaning on the poles when people are trying to hold onto them: a short buzz of electricity
• Trying to get onto the subway while people are still filing out: a quick tazing
• Pretending you don't notice the person with mobility issues who you should offer your seat to: a jaw-clenching jolt
• Eating durian on a streetcar: LEVEL 10 DEATH RAY

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Vintage Dream Home Decor Inspiration x3

Hello! The good people at the UK-based Appliances Online have asked if I could link to their Smeg appliances in exchange for my weight in Marmite and warm beer. I've long loved the retrodorableness of Smeg, so it was a corporate whoring made in heaven.

Who's ready for some vapid consumerism?! I AM. I swear I didn't spend this much time looking at things I wanted to buy before Pinterest came along. Now, looking at lovely things has practically become my hobby (and thanks to today's sponsored post, it's also my job. How great is that?).

One of my reoccurring fantasies is that if I won the lottery (I'm talking about All-That-Is-Wrong-With-The-World money), I'd buy one of those old homes in the Annex that has been split into several apartments and renovate each unit to reflect a different decade. I'd then rent out the apartments temporarily to professionals looking to do period photo or film shoots, or to people who wanted to host a fun dinner party or bridal / baby shower with a retro-ish theme.

SAD FACT: As you can see, I've actually spent time coming up with a business model to support my fantasy - because even in my dreams there is no way in hell, regardless of how rich we ever were, that Patrick would let me buy a million dollar house just to decorate for "funzies". I don't entirely blame him; I doubt I'd be jazzed to purchase a home that would pay homage to his interests. The Manchester United House of Hot Dogs would have to wait until after my ashes were scattered.

But anyway, BACK TO ME AND MY IMPORTANT POST. If I had three apartments to decorate, I think I would do Art Deco 1930s, Wartime '40s, and Mid-Century 1950s (that last one's a total surprise, right?). I'd obviously want to track down original pieces from those periods to put into the apartments, but realistically (and possibly safer in a health and fire hazard kind of way) I'd also snag vintage-inspired pieces, especially when it came to appliances.

So - wanna see what I'm what I've been up to today while I was "working from home"?:

1930s Art Deco Home Decor Inspiration (I'm down with the pinks in this era):

1. 1930s K.E.M. Weber Lounge Chair - 1stDibs
2. Jacques Adnet Mirrored Coffee Table - 1stDibs
3. Pink French Boudoir Chair - 1stDibs
4. Walnut and Chrome Fold-Out Bar - L.A. Vintage Furnishings on Etsy
5. Silver-plated Champagne Bucket on Fluted Stand - Newel
6. San Francisco Fox Theater 1930s Rug - Art Deco Collection
7. October 1930 issue of Vogue Magazine - ParisVogueBazaar on eBay
8. Bagley Grantham Pink Glass Clock & Vase Garniture Set - Art of Glass on eBay
9. 1930s Pink Petal Chandelier - richardshorse on eBay

Wartime 1940s Decor (went with lots of yellowy-creams and deep greens):

1. Handmade Curtains, Early 1940s Fabric - Eva Wagenfish Emporium on Etsy
2. Edward Wormly Chanel Back Club Chair - 1stDibs
3. 1940s Walnut Desk Lamp - 3xJacks on eBay
4. Smeg FAB10LP Fridge Freestanding Cream - Appliances Online
5. Airline 1940s Tube Radio - iOffers
6. KitchenAid Mixer in Almond Cream - Sears
7. October 1942 issue of Ladies' Home Journal - Papergoy on eBay
8. Green Vinyl 1940s Wingback Chair - InValuable

Mid-Century 1950s Decor Inspiration (blues and reds called out to me!):

1. Smeg Right Hand Hinge FAB28QV1 Fridge Freestanding - Appliances Online (I'm torn on the colour! I like them all! Which could you choose?)
2. Betty Crocker Picture Cook Book - Iowa Book Farm on eBay
3. 1955 Hide-A-Bed (vintage ad from my collection)
4. Walnut Mid-Century Bedroom Dresser - GUFF
5. Federal Glass Amoeba Pitcher - Fab Five Friends on eBay
6. Marco Zanuso Wingback Chair - ICollectAntiques.com
7. 1950s Blue Burst Wall-Papered Drum Shade - Fondue on Etsy
8. Vintage Paint-by-Numbers Artwork - Nomar on eBay
9. Olivetti Underwood Lettera 22 Portable Typewriter - Jacklom3 on Etsy

And this doesn't fit into any era accurately (although it has a lovely 1950s vibe) but I'd want it in ALL of these apartments: the Smeg washing machine. HOW ADORABLE IS THAT? It is killing me with cuteness:

Ok - so, if money was no object, what would you put in your vintage-inspired dream home? Which era turns your design crank the most?

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And Then I Jizzed. In. My. Pants ....

MINE:

Kitchenaid Deluxe Edition mixer in Almond Cream. In my kitchen. For me. Forever.

Can I get a "Fuck Yeah!"?

Also? It's a Pinplement. AWWWWWYEAH.

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