16 Aug 2011

Vegans: A History of Sucking

The other day when I was at the organic market, I came across two people who made me want to roll my eyes so hard that I'd risk bursting blood vessels. They are the veggie hippies of the worst kind: the pretentious and the posers.

Jen, who are you to call anyone a poser? Aren't you barely a week into your veggie lifestyle?

Duh, I know. And I'm not referring to myself as a veggie or a vegan as I'm not one (meat's still on the table - just really infrequently). By poser, I mean people who buy and say all the peace love yoginess but then act like royal dickheads to their fellow (wo)man. Like this:

I was walking toward a refrigerated cabinet when another woman got there first (imagine that, someone moving faster than me). No biggie. Since it was a narrow-ish display, I decided to just wait until she was done. Patiently. Happily. No, really! I had just found Saskatoon berries! I was as silently ecstatic as I could be.

But then I saw the thing I had gone there for, right at the end of the shelf. The woman wasn't looking at it or near it, rather she was holding the door open as she read the ingredients on another package from the other end of the shelf. So, I calmly and smoothly - without touching or interfering with the woman whatsoever - plucked the package and popped in into my basket.

"I'm not holding the door open for YOU, you know," snapped the hag.

Ugh, seriously. Get over yourself. But that wasn't the worst of it or what made her a poser. What made her a giant fake was that when she was at the cash register, she turned to the cashier and said with blowhard hippie breathiness:

"Namaste."

OH, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

I'm sure if she wasn't carrying grocery bags she would have made the little prayer hands gesture along with it too.

Here's a fact for you: All the hemp milk, bamboo skirts and Sanskrit in the world can't make you an enlightened, spiritual being if you act like a self-centred d-bag to random strangers.

The other encounter, in the very same store, was brief but also indicative of why people hate vegans (and possibly Torontonians). As she was walking by the (organic, ethically raised) meat, a woman plugged her nose, glared at the man who was stocking it and quite audibly said, "SICK."

Again: SHUT THE FUCK UP. If you don't want to eat meat, fine, but the enemy isn't the business that buys pasture-raised beef. And if we're talking about things that inspire nose-plugging and gagging, consider adding your armpits to the list.

Because I can never steer far away from things vintage, I looked to see if some vegans have always been horrible or if it's just a new age thing. It's not. Check out this January 1953 article from the Milwaukee Sentinel:

Ugh. "You're addicted to the taste of dead flesh." Bah. You really think that will influence people to give up meat and go veg? Think anyone wants to be just like you?

Be the change, people. And learn to laugh at yourself while you're at it.

7 comments:

ladyanne525 9:28 pm, August 16, 2011  

Dude, I feel ya. I'm veg, leaning vegan (sometimes a girl still needs her French toast, yo). Most of my friends are veg or vegan, but they're not the annoying ones. If they were, they wouldn't be my friends. Seriously, why do people have to be such assholes? I feel like diet is a really personal thing, and why do we have to label it in the first place? It's like religion - keep it to yourself. No one wants to have your opinions forced on them. That's not how you make friends and influence people. You know how you do it? Vegan cake. THAT'S how you make friends and influence people.

father of the monkey,  11:30 pm, August 16, 2011  

So, did you see the story about some PETA/Vegan twit who has decided to force his/her cat to be vegan? Veterinarians are describing this as an act of cruelty to animals.
Dorks.

Beth 11:38 pm, August 16, 2011  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Beth 11:42 pm, August 16, 2011  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Meghan,  1:31 am, August 17, 2011  

HAHAHA!! New Hampshire is loaded with self righteous vegans, they are the worst. If they do not deem you worthy of their "spiritual enlightenment", they treat you like a sack of shit. I now live in the South, and hardcore Christians are the EXACT same way.

Kat 6:41 am, August 17, 2011  

All I can think of is "you don't win friends with salad"!

I agree with ladyanne - live and let live. Nobody should be that rude about other people's diets.

Claire 1:44 pm, August 18, 2011  

How do you know they were vegans? I know a bunch of vegans (I'm lacto-ovo veg) and maybe one in twenty would act like that on a really bad day. I have encountered quite a few self-righteous assholes at health food stores, but most of the time, the stuff they're buying isn't vegan. I'll bet you a hundred bucks that the "SICK" woman ate seafood.

Also, when I encounter people who are jerks, I just assume they have some kind of health issue that makes them cranky. Maybe the label-reading woman's IBS had been flaring up.

Blog Widget by LinkWithin

Blog Archive

I have no shame

Need words? I'm a Toronto-based freelance writer who injects great ones into blogs, websites, magazines, ads and more. So many services, one lovely Jen (with one 'n').

The Daily Quote: The Smartest Part of the Blog

  © Blogger templates The Professional Template by Ourblogtemplates.com 2008

Back to TOP  

Real Time Web Analytics