1 Nov 2005

Weighty Confessions

10 lbs. 10 fucking lbs. THAT is what the scale keeps insisting I've gained this week. Now, I know that I can't have possibly gained 10 lbs of fat, and I have the added knowledge that this is a time of water retention for me - but STILL!

I'm quite sure I have gained some fat-based weight because:
a) I have not been tracking points all that well / at all
b) I have gleefully been eating shit in the form of candy and chips on the weekend
c) I've been having a bit more to drink lately (not in a Liza Minelli way but in the more-consistently-having-wine-with-dinner way) and I know how quickly that adds points
d) I no longer have my nice walk from work that I can pretend is daily exercise

I do all this bullshit more and more even though I know my 'goal dates' draw closer. It's just not worth it to eat that crap and I even recognize that fact at the time, yet for some reason I act like I don't care and just sabotage myself continually. Why???

I'm considering joining a gym as there is a good one near my work - and as I say this, I roll my eyes. I do this all the time:
1. I get all desperate/motivated and join a gym
2. Stick with it for three months
3. Something interrupts my ways (crazy work, illness, crazy life)
4. I derail completely
5. I announce "I'm just not a gym person and that's ok" and then pay money each month for a service I don't use until the annual contract is up
6. Months and months (or even years) pass and I slowly start to look gym-ward again.

It would be frightening to see how much money I've put toward weight-loss stuff (books, equipment, gym memberships, WW stuff, exercise videos). Frightening - and I think part of the reason I do it is because once I plunk money down on something, I immediately feel accomplished, as if I had dropped 20lbs right there. Which of course I celebrate with a glass of wine a piece of cake. BECAUSE I MAKE SUCH GREAT SENSE.


doctor T 10:43 pm, November 04, 2005  

Associate it with stress relief. Go when you are angry or pissed off or would rather take a nap. It becomes a release rather than work after a while.

And picture someone saying in a very loud German or Russian voice yelling "get you to gymnasium now! you lazy swine!" I've been reading Dracula lately and one of the Dr's sounds like that, and it's very motivating.

Anonymous,  5:38 pm, November 20, 2005  

Fricking awesome. I am MENTIONED on your blog. I feel special...or kinda like an exercise freak show.

Amber, I must thank you now, because I've been sitting here debating a bike ride or a run after an evening of excess, and I've just settled on both. It seems I have a reputation to uphold. Excuse me while I go change into spandex that really shouldn't see the light of day.

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