22 Jun 2011

I Can't Believe I'm Doing This

Meet St. Joseph.

Well, his tiny plastic counterpart, anyway. If you believe in Christian mythology, you probably hated that I referred to it as 'mythology' just now St. Joseph was Jesus's incredibly understanding step-father who married a preggo Mary even though she wasn't carrying his child. He had to be coaxed into it somewhat by an unnamed angel - who I think should be called Maury - who opened a manila envelope and confirmed that God ... (wait for it) ... WAS the father.

Anyhoo - because Joseph provided a home to Jesus and Mary and since he was a carpenter who could make stuff (like condos?), some folks (mostly Catholics and crazy people ... sometimes one in the same) consider him to be a bit of a miracle worker when it comes to buying and selling homes. Like everything concerning religion, it's a bit of a leap.

With our home-selling woes in mind, my mother-in-law and her sister went on a trek - a pilgrimage if you will - to find us a St. Joseph statue. They found one in what sounded like a church gift shop. I know it's been a while since I stepped in one, but churches have gift shops? Are there small McDonalds near the check-out too?

So, behold, my St. Joseph Home Selling Kit, direct from China heaven:

The child labourers angels forgot to paint St. Joseph's beard, so he appears to have a MASSIVE chin. He looks like what I imagine Brian Mulroney would look like if he was a happy stoner going to a toga party. And is it just me or does Jesus look like a baby Princess Leia?

According to the instructions, you're supposed to bury St. Joseph, head-first, into the ground at your property line, facing your home. You do this while reciting a prayer that basically tells Joseph he's going to stay in that uncomfortable position until he helps you sell your home ... which sounds rather terrible and Gitmo-esque. Hardly a nice way to treat someone, let alone a saint carrying your savior ...

But I don't believe in any of this stuff, right?

Down you go, Plastic Magic Man! Sell this home!

As I'm in a condo, I couldn't very well drill a hole in the sidewalk, so my planter had to do.

I believe that one of two things will happen: we'll sell this condo soon or my potted Kalanchoe will die from St. Joseph's wrath / the fact that I probably tore up some roots shoving him in there. Want to take a guess which will happen first? A third option of me getting what's coming to me due to my giddy blasphemy is also a valid answer.


Vaporshi 1:54 pm, June 22, 2011  

Even more hilarious: One of your prospective buyers finds him buried head-first in there.

May - So Very Domestic 2:32 pm, June 22, 2011  

I was just about to type that. How funny if someone noticed it?! It is so sad that there is a St Joseph Selling Kit. Woah nelly. He totally does look like Brian Mulroney!

Jen 4:12 pm, June 22, 2011  

To clarify, I buried him all the way and covered him up! That picture is an "action shot" of him making his descent. If someone somehow "knows" St. Joe is in that pot, they have magic skills of their own.

Kelley 6:16 pm, June 22, 2011  

Your shot of St. Joseph head-down in the dirt, with his little plastic base sticking up, made me laugh out loud.

Father of the Monkey,  3:40 am, June 23, 2011  

You sir, are a wingnut. Glad you have Mern and Tuni and St Joe on your side. Good luck!

Dazed 2:39 am, June 25, 2011  

It's good to know your Christian mythology sometimes. At the archives where I work, there is a binder labeled "St. Antony's File". As there is not nor has there ever been a "St. Anthony" church in our collecting area, it was apparently a mystery for quite some time.

Turns out, St. Anthony is the patron saint of lost things. Not a good file for an archives to have but the cryptic name probably isn't helping things, either.

Asep fauzi nurjaman 3:54 am, September 12, 2017  

Thank you very much for sharing this very useful information, I am very happy to have found this information that I have been looking for this long
Cara Cepat Mengeringkan Luka Diabetes Yang Sudah Parah

rizki fahrezy 1:08 am, January 09, 2018  

Thanks for the information, very useful
I am very glad to have gotten very useful information
best regards and thanks

obat kencing nanah
obat penghilang kudis
obat tipes
obat nyeri panggul
obat herbal tetanus

rizki fahrezy 11:01 pm, January 25, 2018  

Thanks for the very useful information, If you do not know then we will share the article. Please read because this is very important for us all.

Agen Resmi Qnc jelly gamat di Banjarmasin
Obat Herbal Untuk Mata
Cara Mengobati Anyang-anyangan
Cara Mengatasi Gatal Pada Vagina
Obat Demam Untuk Anak

Eyang Unyi 4:48 am, March 28, 2018  

Thank you for visiting, thank you for giving us the information we need, do not forget to visit our page or website to share information about health thanks.
obat pusing kliyengan
nama obat diare pada anak
cara mengobati eksim
cara mengobati kista efidermal

Asep fauzi nurjaman 11:28 pm, April 06, 2018  

Thank you very much for sharing this very useful information, I am very happy to have found this information that I have been looking for
Obat Batuk Berdarah
Obat Radang Tenggorokan
Obat Infeksi Mata
Cara Mengobati Blefaritis
Obat Pengapuran Otak

Asep fauzi nurjaman 2:48 am, April 12, 2018  

Thank you very much for sharing this very useful information, I am very happy to have found this information that I have been looking for
Obat Herpes Herbal
Obat Pembengkakan Kelenjar Air Liur
Obat Bintik Berair
Obat Kurap Alami
Obat Luka Diabetes

Asep fauzi nurjaman 3:10 am, May 01, 2018  

Thank you very much for sharing this very useful information, I am very happy to have found this information that I have been looking for
Cara Menghilangkan Amandel
Cara Mengobati Kerumut
Cara Mengobati Bronkitis
Cara Mengobati Batuk Rejan
Obat Infeksi Mata
Cara Menghilangkan Cenang

Asep fauzi nurjaman 1:53 am, June 05, 2018  

Thank you very much for sharing this very useful information, I am very happy to have found this information that I have been looking for
obat infeksi kelenjar bartholin herbal

easy your sustenance 10:38 pm, July 26, 2018  

Bismillah Hopefully given the health and sustenance abundant amen :))
Ada Apa Denagn Cinta OBAT LUKA BAKAR ALAMI hello baeutiful OBAT KLIYENGAN ALAMI Kisa cinta yang tragis PUSAT HERBAL TASIKMALAYA kesabaran hal yang pertama OBAT BATU GINJAL ALAMI indahnya indoneisa DISTRIBUTOR QNC JELLY GAMAT semngat juang bersamama KHASIAT JELLY GAMAT GOLD-G thank you by health.

Anisa Marlina 3:55 am, September 05, 2018  

Hi, This Information is incredible ^_^ I want to work with you in the health sector :

obat batuk berdarah

easy your sustenance 2:20 am, November 07, 2018  

Hopefully, sustenance will be easy and simplified in all matters
Solusi Pengobatan Alami
Cara Mengobati Sakit Betis Dengan Cepat
Obat Herbal Neuropati Alami Dan Ampuh

easy your sustenance 1:26 am, November 29, 2018  

I can only express a word of thanks. Because with the content on this blog I can add knowledge I, thank has been sharing this information. Do not forget to visit our website to share information and knowledge about health. |
cara mengobati busung air |
cara mengobati cacingan |
khasiat walatra sehat mata |
cara mengobati nyeri ulu hati

Lutfi Kurniawan 4:38 am, December 27, 2018  

I was amazed to read this article because after reading this article my mind became open. Cara Mengatasi Demensia Cara Mengobati Thalasemia Obat Polip Serviks

Riko JR 2:02 am, January 17, 2019  

Hopefully with the content on this blog, I can add to my insight, thank you | Obat luka memar | paling ampuh | cara pesan QnC Jelly Gamat | proses cepat | obat bekas operasi caesar 100% Ampuh dan manjur | Obat Step paling ampuh | 100% manjur | obat benjola di pipi | 100% Alami dan ampuh | obat infeksi salurran kencing | yang ampuh

Blog Widget by LinkWithin

Blog Archive

I have no shame

Need words? I'm a Toronto-based freelance writer who injects great ones into blogs, websites, magazines, ads and more. So many services, one lovely Jen (with one 'n').

  © Blogger templates The Professional Template by Ourblogtemplates.com 2008

Back to TOP  

Real Time Web Analytics